Mind your own busyness

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busy

The importance of slowing down in a world where busy has become the new black.

In terms of the evolution of man, the measurement of time has not been around very long, but it has become one of the most precious commodities of our age. We never seem to have enough of it.  Everyone is always so busy and, in the age of multitasking, being busy is seen as a must but at what cost?

In today’s world we are driven by the need to succeed, to prove our self-worth. If we’re not busy, we’re not successful. We like to feel valued, and the busier we are, the more valuable we become…or at least that’s how it feels.

Whilst we’re busy being busy, we risk missing out on life and the things that really matter.

See the full article published on elephant journal:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/08/busy-is-the-new-black/.

How to find the joy in every day

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Jumping-for-Joy

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections".

It’s the question we’re all trying to find the answer to; what is happiness and how do we get it? We fill our lives with the business of searching for happiness in many things yet it is possible that the very pursuit is taking us further away from the goal.

We think happiness arrives at a point in the future when our lives become perfect with a backdrop of fireworks and fan fare without any disasters or annoyances. But in reality happiness does not come with a big ‘happiness’ label across it and is generally not in the form of winning lotto or a marriage proposal from Brad Pitt but is often more subtle and smaller.

For example; a sunny day at the beach, your favourite slippers, lying in the arms of the one you love on a lazy Sunday morning, – it’s all happiness we just need to learn to recognise it, appreciate it and cultivate it.

See the full article on Tiny Buddha;http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-find-joy-in-every-day-even-the-hard-ones/.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out

This new article was just published on Tiny Buddha; the importance of being yourself in a world that wants you to be something else.

Read the full article by following the link below.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-trying-to-fit-in-and-start-embracing-your-true-self  

If happiness was a place (Bhutan)

Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest

Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest

Bhutan has always held an air of mystery for me, I didn’t know anyone who’d ever been and most people I spoke to hadn’t even heard of it, but as soon as I discovered there was a place that put Gross National Happiness before Gross Domestic Product I had to visit.

I knew it was a special place before I’d even arrived. We flew through the Paro valley and approached the airport through the cloud covered Himalayas, gliding past mountains that seem to insulate Bhutan from the outside world, it felt like I was descending into another realm.

Known as the land of the peaceful thunder dragon, Bhutan is a deeply Buddhist country, with a population of 700,000. It is a small Kingdom steeped in tradition, many of the people still wear the traditional Bhutanese dress and the traditional culture is something they are keen to preserve and delighted to share.

As a result of their Buddhist beliefs no animals are killed, this means meat is imported from India and street dogs are plentiful, however unlike most dishevelled strays on the streets of Asia these dogs look more like pets as they are so well looked after, it can get a bit noisy at night though!

Bhutan is the only country to measure its progress and growth in terms of happiness before GDP and is covered with 60% forest. It is a remote Kingdom between India and China yet nothing like either of its neighbours.

It is an unspoilt place of natural beauty, the air is fresh and the rivers clean. Set in the beautiful Himalayas, the altitude varies as we travel though the country, some mornings we are high up and it’s barely above 0 degrees but lower down in the cities it reached 27 degrees. The altitude also meant that some of the treks were done at a very slow pace but this seemingly reflected the pace throughout the country at all elevations!

Bhutan has a serenity and calmness to it, the pace of life is slower and the people are satisfied with the little they have, it seems to work very well and they have something so elusive to many richer countries; happiness. Education and health care are free here and even visitors who fall sick are treated for free. Because there is not the same consumer motivation around money there is no hassle to buy things, no danger of being conned and no staff trying to entice you into shops and restaurants.

As our tour began in Paro I immediately noticed the unique architecture, all the houses, shops and government buildings are built in the traditional Bhutanese way, white walls with wooden carvings and intimate detail usually reserved for buildings of note dawn every dwelling in Bhutan. It is like stepping back in time yet Bhutan has managed to retain its traditions and culture whilst still keeping up with the modern world.

Once in the countryside the charm of Bhutan becomes apparent, the air smells of pine forests and at every turn there is a mountain view, a deep gorge or an untouched natural forest. We took time to trek up to one of the most famous icons of Bhutan, the beautiful Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest as it is known which perches perilously close to the edge of a cliff at an elevation of 3,500m but the steep climb is well worth it.

The place feels sacred as soon as we enter as do many of the religious sites we visit. The temples were many and part of everyday local life rather than tourist attractions. The fact that photography wasn’t allowed inside meant we spent more time enjoying the moment and our focus was on what we’re experiencing.

Statues made of gold watched us as we moved through the rooms that were filled with an air of peace and tranquility, monks gave out holy water and accepted offerings as the flames from the butter lamps flickered and the smell of incense hung in the air.

Some of the temples we saw dated back to the seventh century, the walls were covered in the most detailed paintings depicting Buddhist stories. Locals made offerings and walked countless times around the Stupas whilst clutching their mala beads. There are prayer wheels and flags at every turn in the colours of the elements earth, wind, fire, water and forest. They look magical flaying over the mountains and the people here have coveted one of their main economies, hydro power, to ensure the prayer wheels turn continually.

The tour took a more energetic turn as we embarked on an overnight trek up to one of the oldest monastery’s Jele Dzong over the Jele pass and camped in the mountains overnight. The guides looked after us at every step, hot meals appeared out of nowhere high up in the hills, our tents were erected and dismantled for us and the bags seemed to follow us everywhere yet we never had to move them.

As we began steep climbs rather than the usual safety briefing, the advice was to go slow and enjoy the moment. I spent time watching the clouds move across the hills like smoke rising from below as the sound of monks chanting drifted across the dawn and rays of sunlight filtered down onto the villages below. We spent a couple of nights in the country’s capital city Thimphu.

The gorges here are not wide enough to fly into and it dawned on me as we sat having lunch that this must be the only capital city without an airport or a traffic light. They had tried to introduce a stop light at the busiest intersection (where dogs still sleep in the road) but it confused people so now there is a young, well dressed man in elegant white gloves who directs the traffic as if he is conducting an orchestra in a way that only the Bhutanese could.

On the way out of town we drove past the prison which apparently has 15 inmates, there is no capital punishment here, a life sentence is the penalty for murder but apparently there haven’t been any murders to test that! As we left Thimphu we drove back up into the mountains and we were welcomed into a local farmhouse in the village of Gangtey for an overnight stay with a Bhutanese farmer and his family. Seeing how the locals lived and sampling the food they cooked for us was a real glimpse into Bhutanese life.

70% of the local population live rurally on farms so there was no shortage of food, the local food is both simple and delicious and defined by the frequent accompaniment (with every meal) of their favourite red rice and chilli cheese.

Full of surprises our next destination didn’t disappoint. We stayed in Lobeysa the home of the divine madman and seemingly the country’s centre of fertility. Paintings of large phallus dawn every building and the temple Chime Lhakhang is frequently visited by couples who are struggling to conceive, here they receive a blessing for fertility, a name for their child and promise to return once they have given birth to say thank you, apparently it’s 100% successful!

One of the things that surprised me most was the standard of English for a country not heavily visited and only open to tourists since 1974. They have been learning English at school since the 50s long before tourism and it shows. I noticed at the front of the schools there were mottos such as ‘excellence in body, speech and mind’ and ‘meaningful living’; how I wished more kids across the world were being taught this sort of stuff.

Once we had done the most of our trekking we were treated to some scenic drives which my aching legs appreciated. We drove through the deep gorges of the magical Haa Valley and up to the highest road in Bhutan, the Chelela Pass where we caught glimpses of the snow capped Himalayan scenery through the mist. It was here at 4,000m elevation that we hung our prayer flags and began a trek down to the Kila Goempa nunnery.

We spent a lot of time driving such are the distances between towns and the mountainous terrain. Due to the monsoon seasons and an undeveloped road network, work is constant and ongoing. Our journeys by road were long, bumpy in places and sometimes terrifying as we clung to the sides of sheer cliff faces but also breathtakingly beautiful as the winding roads ascended through forests, mountains and villages, past cows, monkeys, dogs and villagers selling tea and dumplings at road blocks and school children cheerfully waving as we passed by.

We also took the opportunity to stop and watch a game of archery, the national sport of Bhutan before heading back to watch a local cultural dancing performance in the city. It is becoming easier to get to Bhutan but they are still determined to protect the country, ensuring sustainability and in keeping with their mantra of making decisions that are good for the people and good for the environment. All visits must be booked through a tour group and whilst there is no limit to tourist visas they are all subject to a daily visa fee (approx. $250US), whilst it may seem expensive the fee includes a guide, accommodation, food and transport and your tour can be as individual as you want to make it.

Despite the packed schedule, the days of trekking, cold nights camping and arduous road journeys I feel happy and at peace. Bhutan, its untouched landscape and its endearing people have made my soul sing and is unlike any place I’ve been before. As I prepare to leave, I feel exhausted yet still wanting more, I’d love to spend longer here but also consider myself lucky to have been to somewhere so unique. It warms my heart to know that there is a place in the world like this and that these people are living according to what matters.

The Power of Positive Thinking

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Check out the latest video blog a short 7 minute clip on the power of positive thinking. 

How to harness the power of the mind and use positive thinking to make us healthier and happier": http://youtu.be/nZEY87lVHsM

Optimists have a 50% lower risk of death (Mayo Clinic Study) “Human beings can alter their lives by altering their minds” William James.

We can’t always control what happens but we can control how we react to it. Happiness is a state of mind. Positive minds attract positive experience and the reverse is true. The happiness in our lives depends on the quality of our thoughts.

How to make changes to create a life you love

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“Change is not something we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, and no one in this world would ever more forward to become the person they’re meant to be”. BKS Iyengar

I recently published my story about leaving a job in the corporate world to pursue my dreams and I noticed from the responses that it resonated with so many people. People who, like me, were stuck in jobs or lives that made them unhappy but were not sure what they could do about it.   So in this blog I’ll answer the question I was asked repeatedly; how do you go about creating a life you love?It wasn’t an overnight success for me, nor was it an easy road. It was a decision I agonised over for years and at times it was too hard and the fear too great that even when opportunities presented themselves it sent me running back to what I knew, the familiar routine. But as Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results”The bottom line is we need to learn to change what we don’t like or love what we can’t change. Taking a risk, head first into the unknown is scary but also liberating, it leads to us questioning ourselves and finding excuses not to take the harder route and to stay put. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” but rather than asking what we’re walking away from we should ask what we’re walking towards.What stops us?Change always seems so hard and for that reason we put it off for as long as we can and in doing this we are also postponing our happiness. We all have a choice in life and if we’re not living the life we want or we’re unhappy then we have the remote control, we can change the channel, but it may not be easy. As Seneca said; “It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”It is natural to experience fear as everyone who has done this has felt the same. We think; what if we can’t do it, we might fail, it’ll be hard, what will people think? We also have limiting beliefs that can hold us back: I’m not good enough, I haven’t got enough (money, skills, experience).Because it is hard we can find it so easy to procrastinate, they’ll always be an excuse, a barrier or a better time. We’re all guilty of playing it safe for fear of losing what we have, there is this perceived security which keeps us clinging on. We perceive security in our pay checks, the things we’re used to the status quo, even if these things do not make us happy. One of the main reasons people won’t leave jobs they hate is because they need the paycheck to pay the bills.Security comes in many other forms than financial and there are other ways to pay the bills, don’t let the perceived ‘security’ be an excuse for not taking action and taking a step out into the unknown. After all what is secure these days, jobs, money and relationships seem to come and go and are no longer the dependable stable foundations in our life we’d like them to be.So once we’ve dealt with our fears and our limiting beliefs the next question is how do we make it happen?Make it happenFor some we know what we want to do we’re just not sure how to make our dreams reality but for others it may just be that we know we’re unhappy where we are, we’re not sure where we’d rather be though. You don’t need all the answers, you don’t have to plan every detail, You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going, as long as you’re pointing in the right direction.If you need some clarity about what you’d rather be doing begin by writing down what you enjoy and what you’re good at, compare these lists, ask friends and colleagues for their input. Get to know who you really are and what you value. Write down everything you’d do if there were no limits (money, people, self believe etc). Consider how you’d like to be remembered or what is it about others that you admire most?Contemplate what limiting beliefs are holding you back and let go of these. Have courage and confidence that you’re capable and that anything is possible.Once you know what you want start by making a 1 year plan. Set goals about where you want to be and when, be specific about what you’ll be doing a year from now, how much will you earn, how many customers will have you, what hours will you work. It helps by visualising this and writing it down be clear about what you want but also sets your intention and makes it more real. It seems such a big and daunting task at first but nothing is ever too big, it can all be broken down into smaller bits.Then put that plan into action. Benjamin Disraeli said “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” Start today, this may be updating your CV, registering with an agency, booking an online course or researching your new career path. There may be some voluntary opportunities to help you get new experience on your CV. If money is an issue sit down and work out a budget, see the bank and see if they can help temporarily as you work through things.It doesn’t have to be a sudden change from one to another, sometimes there is a transition, maybe you work part time in your current job until you’ve qualified, gain experience or built up work in your new field? Seek out like minded supportive people who’ll help encourage you along the way, widening your network in this way may also lead to opportunities.I always believe that opportunities will present themselves if we are open to them and in the right mindset, being open and thinking positive is also key to making the road a little smoother. It’s about taking small steps each day that bring us closer to our goal.“A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu

Facing the fear and doing it anyway

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“Ask not what you’re walking away from but what you’re walking towards”

CZ

CZ

A friend once told me she thought I was amazing and as well as being embarrassed it took me by surprise, so I reflected on where her comments had come from.

I have strengths (as we all do) and I have weaknesses (as we all do) and I guess we all have a bit of amazing too. It’s just that it remains buried in so many of us, the difference between amazing and ‘the norm’ is courage, those who dare to give it a go and face the fear of failure to follow their dreams and the ability is in all of us.

When I look back on what started me on this journey it seems to make logical sense; I quit a job I didn’t enjoy, I left a relationship I’d outgrown and spent time doing what I love with people who liked the same things, now to me this is common sense, I struggled to see what was inspirational in stopping doing things that made you unhappy. So why did it take me 5 years to put those thoughts into action and what stopped me doing it from day 1 if it made so much sense.

The short answer is fear; fear I won’t have enough (money, security, approval), fear I won’t be enough (good enough) and fear of the unknown, leaving what I know and getting outside my comfort zone. Since being on that journey I have realised these feelings are not unique to me, there are so many people stuck where they are for fear of heading towards where they’d rather be.

I’ve travelled the world and done many amazing things and people say I’m courageous, a go getter but in reality the majority of things I’ve done have scared me witless and I’ve been so close to not doing them so often due to fear. I’d wake up in the mornings and think, maybe they’ll be a flood and I won’t have to go but once I’d felt my fear and got on with it, I loved it and was so glad I did it.

I spent many years scared to leave my job but since I found the courage to do that and follow my passion I’ve never looked back, the same with travelling to foreign countries alone, volunteering to teach English in Thailand, doing a skydive and swimming with a whale shark.

Once on the edge of doing something amazing you leave your comfort zone and it feels scary, it makes you cling to the edge like your life depends on it and so many of us give up at this point but if you take that leap of the edge you’ll feel great. You’ll have amazing experiences and you’ll inspire others to follow their dreams too, what’s more once you’ve proven you can do it your comfort zone expands and next time it won’t be so scary.

You have to get outside your comfort zone to experience these things and that will always cause fear, fear of the unknown, but it’s not a sign to put the brakes on, it’s a sign you’re growing and taking steps forward as a person. Don’t let fear put you off, expect it, embrace it and do it anyway.

So what’s our comfort zone and how does it work? It’s called that because it feels nice, safe and comfortable and that’s why it’s so easy to stay there, it takes courage to step outside of our comfort zone and do things that are different and unfamiliar. The good news is that if we put ourselves out and move outside of our comfort zone it expands and gets bigger and as our comfort zone becomes bigger we learn more and things become easier as there are less things outside of our comfort zone and therefore less that scares us.

Think of public speaking, a thing that sits outside of most people’s comfort zone, it makes many of us nervous, me included. But once we’ve done one, we can do another and by the time we’ve done 30 our comfort zone has expanded and now includes public speaking so it no longer feels so nerve racking and our confidence improves.

The bad news is that you have to make that first step outside of your comfort zone and feel the fear and do it anyway to get to this space. Getting outside of our comfort zone helps us grow and become the people we’re capable of being but we must accept it will not be easy and the path will be fraught with challenges along the way, that’s why it helps us grow because we overcome them and evolve. There will always be fear, challenge and uncomfortable feelings when we move outside our comfort zone but unless we do we’ll never grow to become the people we’re capable of being, stepping outside of your comfort zone is the way to learn, grow and achieve.

It’s a bit like a bird in a cage, like a prison but the door is open, the bird is scared about what’s on the outside but can see freedom through the open door. A bit shaky at first the bird takes flight and realises that the whole sky is hers, she spreads her wings and flies, experiencing the adventure and is free.

To get somewhere you’ve never been, you have to do something you’ve never done.

How to be alone without being lonely

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“You can’t be lonely if you have learned to love the person you're alone with”

We are living more separately now days than we did 30 years ago when social connection was a lot more common and science is now proving the impacts this has on our health. Loneliness is one of the top reasons people see a therapist in the US now and a recent study suggests that over 25% of Americans feel they don’t have any close friends with which they’d share a problem.

In the age of social media when we may have hundreds of friends on Facebook we are actually getting increasingly lonely. Whilst it is true that social connection is vital to our happiness this is not to be confused with co-dependency, this is fear of being alone that results in seeking our happiness in somebody else and relying on having another half to make us complete.

Over the last year I’ve learned that often we seek out others to plug holes in our own self and that no-one is designed to make us happy. Sometimes our fear of not wanting to be alone is a way of avoiding ourselves by being with someone else. It is nearly 12 months since I left a long term relationship and I’ve learned so much about myself since being single, about who I am and what I want. I think it’s crucial for everyone to spend time on their own at some point in their life and this can be a positive thing.

Having said that though, as a singleton, I am aware that as I progress through my thirties the longer I am single the more likely it is that I will acquire cats! I’ve gone through the lonely nights, the closing of a door that was such a big part of my life, the fear of the unknown and worrying about the future. But I enjoy cooking what I want for dinner and nobody complaining there’s no meat, not having turned the TV on for days, playing my own music at my own volume, spending lazy weekends doing as I please and most importantly having half a bar of chocolate and knowing the other half will still be in the fridge when I return to it.

It takes courage to leave a relationship and for some the prospect of being alone is too scary to handle which is why so many people remain in unhappy relationships. However, I’ve learned that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. When I took the time to be alone I found I had the solitude and freedom to enjoy my single life, learn about myself and spend time with me. It helped me develop the capacity within to make my own way without needing a companion or a guide.

As I adjusted to being on my own my fear of the unknown has become an excitement about the possibilities that exist, but I needed time on my own to figure this out. For a while it felt like a void, a nothingness, this is the gap between what we knew and felt familiar and what is yet to come.

Often engulfed by the fear of the unknown, we hang in this space of nothingness between the past and the future and sometimes despair at the uncertainty. But rather than being a big black scary hole of nothing, this time in between what was and what is yet to be is full of potential, full of opportunity. It is the beginning of the rest of your life, it is not a void at all but vibrant with absolute potential.

I have learned that we can be on our own without being lonely and that we can be alone but not empty. When we are lonely we are missing something or someone, it is a negative emotion and we feel a hole inside that needs to be filled. But when we’re alone, we are not lonely but in the presence of ourselves and can enjoy the freedom our solitude brings.

Live a life you don't need to escape from

happy man

happy man

Why I swapped my corporate suit for yoga pants.

Inspiration and advice for anyone who's feeling stuck, unhappy at work, contemplating a career change or wanting to follow their passion. 

Have a read of my latest blog on Tiny Buddha

"Instead of wondering when our next vacation is, we should set up a life we don't need to escape from", Seth Goldin http://tinybuddha.com/blog/imagine-living-a-life-you-dont-need-to-escape-from/

7 Steps to Happiness

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View this 7 minute clip on my You Tube Channel; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPbNK1TVuRg

Find out in 7 easy steps how to bring happiness into your life, filmed on a beautiful Indonesian island, worth watching for the view alone!

Gaining perspective in Bali & Lombok

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I recently set off on the trip of a lifetime, a month in Asia spending time in Bali, Kathmandu and Bhutan. As I sat at the airport waiting to leave I heard about the earthquake in Nepal. I managed to get to Bali although a day late but couldn’t get much further.

I like to have everything planned and this trip was no exception, the disruption made me uncomfortable and darkened my mood, as well as being told all my air tickets were non refundable and the insurance would not cover anything. I knew I should be grateful I was not in Nepal, I should also be putting this into perspective, my dramas are nothing compared to what these people are going through.

I reasoned with myself that feeling this way was ridiculous, I was a glass half full kind of person but I’d lost perspective and I’d lost the value of the present moment. I knew all this stuff inside out, I’ve written a book on it yet here I was given the ideal opportunity to practice it and failing miserably.

It got me thinking about the difference between intellectually understanding something and then actually putting it into practice. It’s like dieting, we know we shouldn’t eat cake and take aways but sometimes we do anyway. I had to have a very stern word with myself, followed by a long walk and some meditation a massage and a slice of cake! I began to gain perspective and like a fog lifting I realised I was lucky not just to be alive but to be on holiday in Bali. I felt grateful for what I had, that so many others do not have, particularly those in Nepal.

I no longer felt uncomfortable with not knowing, I knew it could be worse and I also knew it would turn out ok in the end, whatever was meant to be will be. We may not always get what we want, but we always get what we need and for me that was this lesson. This has taught me about perspective, positive thinking and not to be so hard on myself, we are all human after all. But the biggest lesson I take is about putting what we know into practice.

With so much information available to us we can know so much but what do we practice and experience? It’s this that makes the difference. And now for the travel bit……………………….Bali reminds me a lot of the Thai islands which I love, the people are happy and smiling, they have little but seem to make the best of it, the local food is fabulous, sunny days, rainy nights and laid back beaches. It also has the same annoyances; litter, hawkers, stray dogs and drunk backpackers. However Bali is not new to the tourist scene, they are more savvy and as a result have made much more money, prices are higher (although still very cheap compared to dollars) and flash resorts and glass fronted shops are around every corner.

It is much more westernised, they speak very good English and have a great sense of humour. As I ventured away from the main tourist spots I started to see local life unfold around me and particularly once I left Bali I noticed things like the 4:30am call to prayer from the local mosque in Lombok. I spent my first few days in Ubud, yes, mainly because I watched eat pray love! I went to yoga barn, stocked up on cheap clothes from the market, visited the monkey forest and was asked 100 times per day if I wanted a taxi.

In fact I got so used to saying ‘no, thanks’ as I walked down the street that I pre empted one guy and said it before he’d finished his sentence. Turns out he wanted to ask me how I was. I felt rude so apologised, said “I am fine thanks, how are you?” He said “I’m fine, you want taxi?”.

After dealing with the initial travel disruptions and finding I had more time on my hands I decided I needed to head to my happy place and be by the beach. Ubud is good to see but I miss wide open spaces and being able to walk in places that are not crowded with motor vehicles, pollution and people so I headed to Lombok. Spending time in Lombok, which is not as busy as Bali and newer to tourism I found the people to be friendly and after a few days calling out my name as I walked down the street.

They took a particular shine to my greenstone and some knew about Maori and were fascinated to talk about NZ. The kids either wanted to hi-five me or have their photo taken with me, either way I felt like a bit of a film star walking down the street. After spending a few days in Lombok I am ready to venture to the Gilli islands just off the coast. They say there is a Gilli island for everyone so I looked at which may suit me;

    1. Gilli Trawangan – ‘party hard, backpacker heaven’ – no way, too old for this shit

    2. Gilli Meno – ‘not much here, perfect for getting away from it but don’t expect wifi and restaurants’ – what no food, no way!

    3. Gilli Air – ‘somewhere in between the 2, a laid back place, snorkelling, eateries, but not as crazy as Gilli T’ – perfect, this has my name written all over it

So next stop Gilli Air, for beach, yoga and snorkelling and if I’m feeling energetic there’s a 5km walk around the island. I’ve gained my perspective, I’ve learned a lot (mostly about myself) and I’ve gained a sun tan and perhaps a few extra pounds in weight but have been lucky to see more of Bali, it’s not a bad place to be stranded and despite using up huge chunks of my savings I’ve rebooked to go to Bhutan from Bangkok and hope to still be able to do that part of the trip before leaving Asia, but whatever’s meant to be will be, where we are is where we’re meant to be.

Disconnecting to reconnect - Tiny Buddha

Pleased to share my article on the importance of disconnecting from technology and reconnecting with ourselves and nature which has just been published on tinybuddha.com. 

To celebrate I'm trying something new and have a video blog on the topic to share with you, you can read the full article on tiny buddha;  http://tinybuddha.com/blog/theres-no-wifi-in-the-forest-but-youll-get-a-stronger-connection/ [video width="320" height="240" mp4="http://inspireyourlife.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Disconnect-to-reconnect-Jess-Stuart1.mp4"][/video]

Let me know your thoughts and your experiences in the comments section.

What is Mindfulness?

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Lotus

The world moves faster now than it’s ever done, we are working more hours, our lives re busier, expectations are higher and the pace of life has quickened to a point where we’re struggling to keep up.

The technological age means we’re now on call 24/7, we are checking our emails on handheld devices at 10pm, we are in touch with friends and the world news all times of the day and night, as a result we never switch off. One of the best antidotes to our busy lives is taking a few minutes out of each day to be still, meditation is a way of reconnecting with yourself, feeling grounded even among the chaos and teaches us to be more aware of the present moment.

We are also hearing a lot these days about Mindfulness, it’s trended significantly over the last 12 months. Celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Richard Gere, Ruby Wax, Rupert Murdoch and Sting talk about mindfulness and it has also been brought into the corporate world through companies such as Google, Apple, Ford and Ebay.

You’re also likely to hear the word used in other contexts these days as with anything that becomes popular it can then also become overused. Things like ‘we need to be mindful of the impacts of the strategic review on our sales figures’ and ‘be mindful of that dog poo as you step out of the car’ doesn’t quite contextualise the word in its true form, but it is about awareness and being in the present moment.

What is mindfulness and how does it differ from meditation? There’s been a bit of a mindful revolution and it has become a fashionable word. Where as meditation may invoke images of zen monks sat on hill tops in silence, mindfulness brings to mind celebrities who are happy and successful and something a lot more main stream and attractive.

Meditation and mindfulness are one of the same thing, mindfulness is what happens when you take meditation off the cushion into your daily life so it makes sense to start with meditation, train your mind to be present and still and go from there into a world of being mindful in other areas of your daily life.

In our busy lives we are often on autopilot, we get lost in the doing at the expense of just being. Have you ever arrived at work and not remembered the commute? Or been eating popcorn at the movies only to put your hand in and realise the box is empty? It’s when we are focusing on other things and our mind has wandered that we are not paying attention and life passes us by. And in our busy multitasking lives it’s easy to get lost in the doing and live most of our days on autopilot but at what cost?

Being more mindful means living in the present moment, focus and awareness in a non judgemental way and is a lot like meditation, but mindfulness can be brought into everyday tasks. Like brushing our teeth, washing the dishes, going for a walk, listening to a friend, it is when you are 100% present in what you are doing and noticing every little thing, there are no distractions, you are not multitasking or thinking about your to do list or what’s for tea, you are there in the present moment and fully aware.

In a world where multitasking is seen as a necessary skill being mindful is the opposite, it is slowing down to focus on one thing at a time, one moment at a time. Full concentration, unwavering attention on one thing and remaining focused as long as we can before our mind wanders. Thoughts will still come and this is natural, we are not trying to stop or suppress our thoughts but we become a witness or observer to what comes up and without judging what we find we notice the thought and return to being mindful without attaching to what that thought means or being carried away into analysing it.

Rather than being frustrated that the mind has wandered (again!) we should be pleased that we have noticed and bring it back to the present. You can start by breathing mindfully and being aware of your breath, whether you are sat meditating or in the car driving to work or queuing at the supermarket.

Eating mindfully is another helpful practice, not only does it help slow us down and focus on our food but it’s better for our digestion than rushing through our meals as we tend to these days. Mindful walking is a lovely way to spend a summers evening, there is no destination in mind, it is slow and deliberate, you’re not rushing from point A to point B, nor are you lost in thought about what went on at work that day, you are mindfully absorbed in the joy of walking, feeling the ground beneath your feet, listening to the birds in the trees, feeling the breeze in your face and watching the sun sinking in the sky and taking the time to quite literally smell the roses.

Through mindfulness, you'll reconnect with yourself and become healthier in mind, body and soul, not just whilst you’re practising but in the future too.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things” - Robert Brault

Being resilient in the face of change

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ZIMG_0134 (67)

Over the years I’ve learned that happiness is not the mere absence of suffering or temporary cessation of unhappiness, it’s less about elation and perfection, more about purpose and fulfilment, being connected to who you are.

A big part of this is resilience, tough times will come to us all, it’s how you deal with it and bounce back that impacts your happiness. It’s only the end of the road if you fail to make the turn, life has many twists and turns for us to navigate.

Growing up I thought I was the only one suffering and I thought that adults must have it all figured out and when I grew up I’d come to this enlightened point in my life where I knew all the answers, I thought that’s what coming of age was, imagine my disappointment! Now I’m grown up (some days) I realise everybody hurts, we are all fighting our own battles, pain is inevitable which is why resilience is so necessary.

If suffering is inevitable then it seems silly that avoidance of pain is a major preoccupation in our modern world and the methods we employ to achieve this often contribute to more of the very pain we are trying to avoid; addictions, eating disorders, debt. Unfortunately sorrow will always come, even to those who are happy but the good news is it will also go, impermanence is the nature of all things.

This is good news if you’re going through a tough time, know that it won’t last but the same is also true when things are good and we are happy, this too will change, everything is impermanent. If we are able to accept this and enjoy what we have when we have it this goes a long way to helping us be more resilient. But our struggles make us what we are today, it’s because of the tough times we are strong and have learned the lessons of our life.

It may be true that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. A monk once told me, mistakes are our teachers and we are never too old to learn. Where you are now is where you’re meant to be, trust it will turn out right in the end. There are no mistakes, only lessons, negative experiences teach us things and give us an opportunity to be stronger. As Paul Coelho said “Straight roads do not make skilful drivers”.

Resilience is something that we should be working on all the time, not just when we need it. You don’t learn to sail in stormy seas and a tree grows its roots in the good times to enable it to weather the storms, resilience is the same, don’t wait until you need it to begin to cultivate it.

As we go through change we go through the process of losing something and adjusting to something new, almost like a grieving process. It begins with shock and denial, moves on to anger and eventually we reach acceptance and move on and get over it and the new becomes the norm, until it changes again.

BKS Iyengar said; “Change is not something we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, and no one in this world would ever more forward to become the person they’re meant to be”.

Having to go through the pain of letting go of the old enables us to find the growth and opportunities of the new. However that period of nothing between letting go of old before we’ve grasped hold of new is the most fearful bit, gap of unknowing and what often sends us running back to cling onto what we know rather than being left out in the dark grasping onto something that’s not there yet and no security, like trapeze artist who has let go of one bar but is suspended in mid air yet to grasp the next. But facing the fear and moving forward allows us to grow and achieve amazing things, only then we can look back on our journey and see how far we’ve come.

Change is the nature of everything, nothing stays the same, change is the only constant. Within our lives and work we have a wide range of concerns, some of which we can influence and some we can’t. Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest ass it happens, this puts you back in control.

By focusing your energy and attention on doing something about the things you can control rather than those things you have no control over, you’ll feel more empowered and positive rather than feeling like a victim of circumstance. Charles Darwin said “in nature it’s not the strongest most intelligent that succeeds, it’s those that are most adaptable to change”.

Top tips to cultivate resilience

  • Know that change will always come and learn to adapt

  • See change as an opportunity – ask not what you are walking away from but rather what you are walking towards

  • Look after yourself – be well

  • Remember it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it

  • There are no mistakes in life, only lessons and negative experiences teach us things and give us an opportunity to be stronger

  • Where you are is where you’re meant to be

Lessons Learned Living Life

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I’d spent the last 15 years planning what I wanted my life to be like and writing bucket lists of all the things I wanted to achieve one day then I realised that had actually been my life and I needed to start living my dreams not just thinking about them.

My search for happiness took me around the world only to arrive back where I started to find it had been with me all along. After 15 years as a Human Resources professional climbing the corporate ladder I had enough, I felt empty and anything but the ‘success’ my life looked like from the outside. This lead to a change for me, I took 12 months out to write a book, travel the world, volunteer and became a yoga teacher.

I learned more about life during this time that any number of years at school or hours in leadership courses has taught me, here are 50 lessons I have learned from living life;

    1. Before you love anyone else, first you must love yourself

    2. Nothing is out of your reach, unless you put it there

    3. Know which direction you want to go before you set off

    4. Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food (Socrates)

    5. If you let go of excess baggage that you no longer need you’ll make room for what you really want

    6. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one

    7. It’s not what you’re walking away from, it’s what you’re walking towards

    8. Stretch yourself and grow, learn new things

    9. Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create

    10. Laugh everyday, even at yourself

    11. You are not defined by your bank account, street address, job title

    12. You make a living by what you get but you make a life by what you give

    13. You don’t always have to have all of the answers

    14. You do not need to have valuable stuff to feel valued

    15. Don’t try so hard to fit in if you were born to stand out

    16. You define your own success

    17. The time is now be in the present moment

    18. Sometimes you have to disconnect to reconnect

    19. By slowing down you’ll find you have more time

    20. The quieter you become the more you can hear

    21. You can’t always control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it

    22. Instead of wondering when our next vacation is we should set up a life we don’t need to escape from (Seth Goldin)

    23. You can’t learn to surf without getting wet (John Kabat Zinn)

    24. Live simply so that others can simply live

    25. There’s always enough time if you spend it doing the things that matter

    26. Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life

    27. We are what we think, our thoughts make our world

    28. There are no mistakes only lessons

    29. Happiness isn’t about getting what you want it’s about loving what you have

    30. I can be wealthy even when my purse is empty

    31. Don’t chase your dreams, live them

    32. Don’t change so people will like you, be yourself so the right people will love you

    33. Everyone is fighting their own battles, always be kind

    34. Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results (Einstein)

    35. We should measure in value not in price

    36. You can do anything you want but you can’t do everything you want

    37. Do what you love and love what you do and you will be successful

    38. That man is poor, not who has little but who hankers after more (Seneca)

    39. You can’t change anyone but yourself

    40. Not all those who wander are lost

    41. You don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step

    42. Security is not having things it’s handling things

    43. It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult (Seneca)

    44. A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step (Lao Tzu)

    45. Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. (Benjamin Disraeli)

    46. Everyone who got where they are started from where they were.

    47. Live as though you’ll die tomorrow, but dream as though you’ll live forever

    48. Some pursue happiness, others create it

    49. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

    50. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be, (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Pet Therapy

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dog

We are living more separately now days than we did 30 years ago when social connection was a lot more common and science is now proving the impacts this has on our heath.

Loneliness is one of the top reasons people see a therapist in the US now and a recent study suggests that over 25% of Americans feel they don’t have any close friends with which they’d share a problem.

In the age of social media when we may have hundreds of friends on Facebook we are actually getting increasingly lonely. Studies are now suggesting that social connection is as important to our health as diet and exercise and that social isolation is having a detrimental impact on our health.

Anyone who has owned a much loved pet will attest to the benefits, the smiles they bring to us, the comfort and companionship. Pets can ease loneliness, reduce stress, encourage exercise and studies now show they may even help you live longer. Most notably;

• Pet owners are less likely to suffer from depression.

• People with pets have lower blood pressure in stressful situations.

• Playing with a pet can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax.

• Heart attack patients with pets survive longer than those without.

• Pet owners over age 65 make 30% fewer visits to their doctors.

The use of pet therapy is becoming increasingly popular for the sick and elderly, this involves organisations bringing specially trained animals to visit those who are sick, depressed and lonely by bringing a smile to their face, providing companionship and calming anxiety to aid recovery. But what if you are not able to have pets of your own?

The Japanese have found the answer to this in Paro the therapeutic robot seal being used to help treat the sick and elderly. Designed to look and move like a real pet and respond to interaction, it is thought to help combat loneliness, make people smile, help keep them calm and is also used to help dementia sufferers.

Paro has already been a real hit in nursing homes across the globe. The studies seem to show more health benefits with dogs rather than cats probably due to the fact that a cat couldn’t care less about your health, as long as you feed her, let her out and let her sit on your knee, bed, book, coat, desk, sofa and whenever else she wants.

My family have had dogs and cats for as long as I can remember and the love, affection and company they have provided over the years for anyone who has visited the house has been immeasurable. I have always admired the unconditional love you get from a dog, partly due to having less brain cells as cats will testify, cats will only love you when it suits and usually if there’s something in it for them. But what dogs lack in brains they make up for in heart (and appetite if they are Labradors)!

I love both cats and dogs and animals in general but have noted that cats will tolerate us whereas dogs worship us but both bring benefits far beyond their company;

• The dog makes me feel safe when I am sleeping alone in the house

• He immediately cleans up any food I may have spilled on the floor

• The cat keeps me warm when she’s curled up on my bed

• She also keeps the mice population down in the garden shed

• The dog makes me exercise, even on the coldest days when he needs his walk

• When I am sick or sad they seem to know and come and curl up bedside me

• They have replaced the alarm clock as my morning wake up call

• They think it’s ok to go to sleep in the afternoon, in fact they encourage it

• They listen to you, even when you say the craziest things, and they never argue

• When I come home from shopping they great me as if I’ve returned from a six month expedition across the desert.

I have grown up with animals around and I think it’s great for kids to learn how to look after something from a young age, even if it is a goldfish or a hamster, it also teaches kids lessons about life and death but the impact of pets goes much further than that. For me I am happier when animals are around and I always feel special when I come home to pets.