AI, EQ and Authenticity

I’ve launched my podcast this month, it’s very exciting and has meant learning new things.  After navigating my way around the podcast host platform, I’m reflecting on the amount of technology available to us and, in particular, the difference AI is making.

Now I believe AI provides many opportunities and will change the face of how we live and work.  In the same way that social media has.  But like the social media revolution, not all change will be positive, and we’ll have to deliberate between what’s useful to us and what’s not, what adds positively to our lives and what potential negative impacts will come with this evolution.

I’ve played around with AI for my business and whilst I’ve found some fabulous benefits, there’s also a massive risk here for me where authenticity and humanness is concerned.  Most recently demonstrated by my podcast hosting software.  It has this thing called ‘magic dust’ where AI will solve all the sounds issues in your recording to make it sound perfect.  Sounds great right?

So I sprinkled the magic dust across my sound file and awaited the impact – a perfect version of my voice and a flawless recording right?  A sharper sound, crisp and level and yet it didn’t sound like me.  I sounded like a robot.  All of the inflection and emotion in my voice to make points and highlight feelings had been ‘levelled out’.  I reckon this is a massive part of how we connect with each other and for those of us with high EQ it’s the difference in us listening or dismissing what someone is saying.

Most tech developers have a very strong left brain, it’s what makes them good at what they do.  These are often the guys (mostly still men) involved in developing the new tech we’re using now.  I wonder if EQ isn’t a feature in their world, can we expect it to be a feature in the tech they develop?  Probably not.  And yet it’s key to how we connect, if we trust each other and how the message we’re delivering lands (or not). 

I’m also keen for my message to sound like me, not perfect, not like a robot and not devoid of any emotion.  I’ve noticed this with my writing too.  I’ll sometimes put blogs I’ve written through ChatGPT to see if they can be ‘improved’, or sometimes a magazine wants to run a piece of mine but only has space for 800 words so I ask AI to summarise an existing blog to this word count.  Most of the time I prefer what I’ve written to the AI version.  It makes sense, I’m a writer so it’s my skillset.  AI, of course has its place.  If writing is not your skillset, ChatGPT can definitely help.  I’ve found it super useful for coming up with eye catching titles to blogs, newsletters and training programmes, but the content is always better when I write it myself.

So use these tools in a way that works for you but not in a way that compromises your authenticity or takes the humanness out of your work.  I reckon that’s to our detriment.  If we all sound the same, where’s the point of difference?  And whilst I understand I could train AI to ‘write like me’, I already know how to do that myself.  It’s also a process I enjoy and often get more ideas through the process of writing that would not have been created otherwise.

Remember that at this stage of its evolution AI is a reflection of those who are building it and there’s simply not enough diversity there to make it as good as we hope it will be.  This could change over time but in the meantime, I’m a massive fan of the humanness we bring to our work and our worlds, the EQ we rely on to connect meaningfully, and the art of innovation that happens when it’s our own brain at work, not a robot.

 AI is great, humans are better.

Want to chat about preparing your leaders for the future and leveraging your humanness for competitive advantage?  Get in touch to find out more about my workshops and programmes.

Why we’re unhappy and how cultivating contentment could make the difference

What’s the difference between happiness and contentment?  There’s isn’t really one, except how we view them and the approach and then of course the all important way that works (or not). This is the real difference and where we've been going wrong for so long.

Happiness is so often something we pursue, we see it as external to us, it belongs in things and achievements and we can’t feel happy until we get those things.  It’s also short lived this external happiness.  We know this because the house we have and the car we have, even the partner we have was once new and exciting, we thought it’d make us happy.  Now it is a drain on our bank account and leaves dirty dishes in the sink.  My point being once the novelty wears off we realise these external things did not make us forever happy so we continue the search in more and better.

It's not our fault though, our economy is build on this.  We taught to continually pursue things and that it’s never enough, so we buy more and the economy grows.  Our economic growth relies on us feeling unhappy so we search (and spend more) to become happier.  Happiness is not good for the economy – crazy right when literally every advert we watch promises us which ever product is being sold will deliver exactly this.

Inner contentment is a different type of happiness.  It’s a happiness that we control and that’s always there, mostly importantly it’s a happiness that’s not dependent on anyone or anything else.  We don’t have to have the latest gadget or meet the person of our dreams for this kind of happiness.

We’re taught to compare to others and chase after what they have so we can feel successful and like we’re keeping up too.  Again, it’s what our economic growth has taught us as it leads to us feeling like we need to spend more, have more, be more like ‘those who have it all’.  Our social media evolution has exacerbated this further with everyone posting a perfect life to leave us all feeling like we need to be and have more.

If we are putting the keys to our happiness in the pockets of others we’re always going to be disappointed.  We are the architects of our own happiness we just need to turn the focus inwards and stop searching for this externally.

Contentment in the kind of happiness we cultivate inside.  Much of this depends on our mindset and how we think.  How can it not.  Every day whether we feel happy or not starts from our minds and the thoughts we’re having.  We often think it’s external events that make us unhappy: the weather, other people, the news, not getting the job, the supermarket having sold out of milk.  Yet it’s not really the event that makes us unhappy, just our reaction to it.  If we master our mindset for positivity the lens we look at all our of external environment through changes.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from my time with Buddhists (and there were many) was that we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as it appears to us – ie through the lens we’re looking through.  That’s why we can have such divisive opinions about the same thing, even in the same family.  Politics is a great test for this theory!

To build contentment we build our sense of calm and equanimity inside, almost like an armour to the outside world.  A retreat within if you like.  I believe that calm is our default state, we’ve just lost touch of this in our busyness and quest for more.  The constant stress and fast pace lives we live mean that fight flight is closer to our default state rather than a state of arousal designed for a short term survival against imminent and passing danger. 

It’s something I call calmony; a state of harmony that arises when we’re in touch with who we are, satisfied with all we have and at peace with the world.  A state of being that is whole and fulfilled. 

Contentment is also being aware of who we are and what we have and being connected to it too.  Connected to the present, to ourselves and the environment around us, this enable us to appreciate so much more.  We never really have something unless we appreciate it, even if we posses it.  We also feel a deep connection to ourselves and therefore our purpose which allows us to live with more meaning.

The bottom line is, and how we differentiate the difference between the pursuit of happiness and creating contentment is this:

·       The happiness that we pursue and relies in external things so is out of our control is also short lived and fleeting so not lasting.

·       Contentment that we cultivate (calmony) is within our control, goes everywhere with us and is not dependant on anyone or anything else outside of us.  This is what leads to real and lasting happiness.

Creating Calmony

In a world of progress and wealth, mental health struggles and burnout persist, leaving us feeling full but not fulfilled. Our relentless pursuit of happiness through possessions and achievements seems to lead us further from the goal, trapped in a cycle of striving but never arriving.

Do you ever feel there must be more to life than chasing external goals, always waiting for happiness around the corner? Never finding thee time to do the things that really matter?  When we cultivate inner contentment, we discover a happiness independent of external circumstances. Using ancient wisdom to solve our modern problems I believe happy humans make a better world.

I'm passionate about restoring the essence of being human—connecting with ourselves, each other, and something bigger.

We’ve become human doings rather than human beings and we live a fast life, not always a good one.  I believe the answer lies is cultivating calmony not pursuing happiness.  If we think our happiness is found in external things we’ll always be searching and we’ll also be at the whim of external circumstances which we know we don’t control.  However, if we cultivate calmony we have an inner peace that is there irrespective on what’s happening externally.  We can control our own sense of joy, fulfilment and happiness – imagine!

It's like baking a recipe, we have all the ingedients in the tin, we’ve just sometimes forgotten to switch the oven on.  We’re waiting for happiness around the next corner rather than looking at the all the ingredients we already have to create it in our own tin.  Creating calmony is turning on your oven.

This sense of calmony describes the harmony that arises from this contentment within.  The wholeness when everything feels right, our lives have a sense of meaning, we know who we are and we’re not at the whim of external circumstances. It’s a calm and inner peace that we can tap into wherever we are.

How do we get it?  From making the most of our moments.  From creating space in our schedule.  Slowing down.  Meditation, gratitude practices, being in the moment more often.  Being alone from time to time, having time to just be rather than constant doing.  All this stuff we’ve often ignored in favour of chasing the things we think will bring us happiness can in fact create the very contentment we crave.

It’s also found in connection.  We’re more connected than ever before online and yet also increasing lonely and unfulfilled.  We’ve lost real connection in this world of hyper connectivity.  Connection to ourselves (who we are and what’s important), connection to each other (kindness and compassion) and connection to the present moment.  Our loss of connection to nature is contributing to the climate crisis and a fundamental part of our wellness: green therapy is now prescribed by some doctors!  There’s also the connection to something bigger, our sense of meaning and purpose that so many of us struggle to find in our work, leading to low employee satisfaction and engagement across the globe.  Connection is fundamental to calmony and therefore contentment.

Our inner state is the foundation of how we experience the world.  Whilst we think the world is as we see it, it’s really just as it appears to us.  This means we all see the world differently.  What’s bad to us might be good in someone else’s eyes.  If you want to test this out, try discussing politics with your in laws!  I liken it to lenses we look through and the type of lens we see through is dictated by our inner state.

When we create a calm inner world we’re less at the whims of the unexpected things the outer world throws at us too.  Better able to bounce back and stay calm amid the chaos.

I don’t believe calm, clarity and composure is something new we need to learn.  I believe it’s a capability we all have deep within, it’s just that we’ve lost touch with it.  It’s not something we learn it’s something we are.  Calm and composed is our natural state.  Just like water before the weather stirs it up or a stone is thrown into the lake.

It comes from deep knowledge of self and if we can keep coming back to this seed within that’s our essence, without all the stress and busyness, we’ll find this is where the calm lives.  It’s when we get still and quiet we can tap into this state of being.  We remove the layers of stress, busyness and distraction and find it’s been there all along.

When we know ourselves we’re more grounded, we’re better able to regulate our emotions and we know our triggers.  It’s about creating the conditions to be our best self.  Calm and composed is not something we learn, it’s something we are.

It’s the difference between happiness and contentment which I believe is why most of us have found happiness to be more elusive despite us growing richer as a nation with more opportunities than ever before.

Rather than chasing happiness we need to focus on creating calmony.  This is the key to real and lasting happiness and is something we control and carry everywhere with us, not something that’s dependent on others or our external circumstances.

Find out more in my brand new book out in November 2024.

7 ways to know when it’s time to leave

We spend so much of our time at work it makes sense we should be happy there, but so many of us are not.

Having spent a decade in Human Resources and a subsequent decade coaching people since, I’ve been lucky to build a career I’ve dreamed of and interview others that have done the same.  I’ve also seen the other side of this coin.  The question I’m often asked is ‘should I leave?’

It’s easier to think the grass might be greener or maybe the opposite, we worry we’ll be jumping from the frying pan into the fire – both can be valid concerns.  Even when we’re relatively happy in our roles there can be the itchy feet of seeing what’s out there, could I get a promotion, a pay rise or something better for my CV and career ambitions? 

Maybe you want to leave but the benefits and familiarity keep you there.  You’re bored but it’s easy and you like your team right?

It’s times like these it can be hard to know when to stay or go.  And even if we should go, that’s another thing entirely making that leap.  Finding something to go to or worse, leaping into the unknown and wondering how we’ll pay the mortgage after the next few weeks.

Sometimes the answer is obvious.  There’s a pending restructure, your boss is a bully or you’ve been signed off work because the impacts to your health have been so grave.  This is what I call  a burning platform.  You have no choice but to go, the next priority becomes navigating yourself into something better. Yet often the platform can be alight without us realising it’s burning.

In this current climate job security can keep us hanging on for too long.  We’re comfortable, it pays our bills and it’s not that terrible.  So how do we know when to stay or go?

In my experience we always know the answer to this question, it just might be an answer that makes us uncomfortable or that we find a million excuses not to see.  Once we see it we have to take action and that leads us into a scary place of the unknown or having to make change, it’s human nature that this is hard.  That’s why a coach can be useful in figuring this out with you.

From my experience coaching hundreds of individuals and being on the other side of the fence in HR here’s the most common reasons I see people come to the conclusion it’s time to go.

Talent not nurtured – those with talent are hardest to keep, not only do they get bored more quickly but sometimes others who may not be as talented can see them as a threat.  They also have their pick of other roles as they’re in demand. If you’re talented you need constant growth, challenge and development to nurture that talent and a special kind of leader who is not threatend by your ability.

Values mis-aligned – if you’re working with a business or a leader with a very different values set it can be like speaking a different language.  It can also feel like selling your soul each time your values get compromised and this drains us more quickly than we realise. What are your values and do they match with the culture around you?

I’ve outgrown this role/place – ‘it’s easy and I’m coasting’, this can be so hard to leave and yet if you gain satisfaction from achievement and growth it’s a must.  We can become too comfortable and if this starts to have a detrimental impact on our motivation, productivity and performance we need a new challenge.  That might of course be in the role we’re in or the business that employees us – it’s well worth having that conversation first.

I don’t belong here – ever feel like the odd one out?  Like you need to change parts of yourself to be more like everyone else?  When your differences are not appreciated and even worse made to feel like a negative it can be a sign of a mis-alignment of values or a workplace/leader that is not inclusive.  This is not a recipe for getting the best out of you and is often a short cut to second guessing, self-doubting and not feeling good enough.  Start to look for something where you can be apricated for what you bring and an organisation in which you can be yourself.

Toxic culture – this one is probably still, sadly, one of the biggest and most damaging.  There’s no other way around it than to leave.  This is the one where my advice would always be start looking now and start figuring out what kind of culture you’d flourish in.  A seed can never grow in toxic soil, we’re the same.

You don’t have clarity or autonomy to do your job or it’s not recognised or appreciated – there’s no faster way to erode engagement than to not recognise or appreciate our team members and it’s so easy.  If you feel your hard work goes unrecognised, unrewarded or even worse, someone else takes the credit it may be time for a rethink.  Similarly if your boss is a micro manager, you don’t feel trusted or supported or leaders are unable to give you clarity on what’s expected of you.  These are fundamental pillars of good engagement that translates directly into our motivation and performance.  Always have the conversation first internally before exhausting all options and putting one foot out of the door.

Constant change – this can feel like it’s hampering progress when teams seem to have a revolving door and a new manager every 6 months.  We never seen to make progress, we’re always unsettled.  It can be hard to motivate ourselves in this environment.  It also depends on the quality of the leaders managing the change too.  In my experience throughout all of these examples it is true that people most often leave a leader not a job.

It goes without saying that if your current work situation is damaging your health or eroding your confidence it’s time to start planning an exit strategy.  It might be comfortable, the money may be good, it might feel ‘not that terrible’ yet once these impacts begin the hole tends to get deeper.  It’s much harder to find a new role when you’ve got to go out and sell yourself and show prospective employers you at your best when you feel like crap.  If your role is impacting your confidence, your energy or just not stimulating you enough because your under challenged all of this will hamper your progress up and out into something better.

If you’re looking for support on your career journey or need help deciding if you should stay or go and what might be next, I wrote a book called I Love Mondays a few years ago full of practical advice and support, as well as case studies from many people who have done just that.

Putting the being back into human-being

In this age of AI I reckon the value we bring as leaders is in our human-ness/  It’s what will set us part in the future of AI and what will become an even more important part of our role as a result of this future.  There will be much of our roles that AI can do, but the things it can’t do: emotional intelligence, human connection, intuition and bringing the best out of other humans is a critical part of leadership in any generation.  Out of all the things on your position description it’s likely to be the who you are not what you do that AI won’t replicate.

I was watching my dog the other day.  I was chatting to my wife over FaceTime, she’s been working away all week and wanted to chat to the dog (possibly me as well at the same time)!  Even though she could hear and see her it didn’t register with the dog, she wasn’t the least bit interested, barely moved from the couch which is a very different experience to when we’re present in the room and she’s not seen us for five minutes!  Compare that to a walk we had along the beach 2 years after we got her from SPCA where she raced up to a complete stranger like she’d known her all her life.  Only for that stranger to ask if she came from Wellington SPCA who turned out to be her dog walker during the time she was there. 

Why do I share this?  Not to suggest that dogs have emotional intelligence but to demonstrate there’s so much more to being human than simply how we look and sound.  There’s so much that goes on in an exchange beyond this, things that even dogs pick up on.  Scent, tone, body language, energy, atmosphere, intuition and reading between the lines in such a unique human way that we can barely explain what it means or how it works scientifically but we ‘just know’.

It's our human ness that sets us apart and it’s the unique experience of being human that makes us great leaders and allows us to understand other humans and bring the best out of them too.  It’s our point of difference, our unique value proposition and the most valuable skill for the future.

I’m on a mission to put the being back into human-being. In this age of AI and busyness where we’ve become human-doings not human-beings what does being human really mean? When we put the being back into human-being we are more engaged at work, we perform better, we live with purpose and life becomes aligned to what matters.

We’ve focused on wellbeing for decades and yet burnout is on the rise and mental health is still the number one health issue our developed world is facing. It’s time to rediscover what being really means, in our work and in our life. Being is at the centre of everything we are and all that we do.

When we’re able to be ourselves we belong. When we’re able to be present we’re connected to our state of being. We’re aligned to who and what we’re being in the world and we’re able to do our best work - to make an impact. This in turn improves our wellbeing, performance and what it means to be human.

I’m passionate about this because it sits at the core of all of the work I do.  I specialise in building leaders for the future. Creating equity in our workplaces and helping individuals build a life by design to live with purpose. 

Using ancient wisdom to solve modern problems. In the age of AI we’re all about the human-ness of our workplaces and our lives, the things that robots can’t do and the things that will be come even more critical as AI continues to evolve.  Understanding humans is our business and one of the most important ways we’ll navigate the future together.

I dream of a world (and am working to create one) where:

·       Our leaders are energised, they perform at their peak and they are equipped to engage high performing teams and adapt for the future

·       In workplaces that are equal, where everyone can belong, bring their whole selves to work and do their best work.  Where diversity and inclusion isn’t a target or a work programme but just the way things are

·       Where people are well and happy, they are aligned to their values and live a life full of purpose

If you’re keen to help me co-create that world, I’d love to chat about how we can work together.

Autumn is here: acceptance of change using the skill of equanimity

I’ve been in a funk this last week or so and I think it’s weather related.  I wasn’t ready for summer to end and I’m struggling to come to terms with Autumn being upon us.  Chatting to my parents in the UK it’s the opposite, they’re coming out of winter and delighted at the sight of spring flowers and the nights drawing out.  It can be a bit like that with change.

The law of nature is that every season we have also ends, the seasons change regardless of what we try to do otherwise.  Now I can either travel around the world and have a permanent summer (I’ve thought about it!) or I can accept that everything changes and this is the law of nature.

Acceptance of chance is one of the most empowering things we can do because it allows us to move beyond it.  We don’t have to like it just know we can not change it.  When we understand that everything we have whether positive (summer) or negative (winter) will change.  The good and bad come into our lives regardless of who we are and what we’d prefer.  The good news is that if times are tough right now, that’ll pass.  Obviously this works the other way around too.  If it’s sunny in your life right now, enjoy it, that too will change.

Learning to go with the flow of change and accept the present moment regardless of if I like it or not has been key in helping me tap into the skill of equanimity.  This ability to remain calm and centered on the inside regardless of what our external circumstances might be.

 This doesn’t mean I can’t take action to change the things I can. In fact it usually comes from a much more empowered, impactful place when equanimity is involved. As for the things I can’t change, I need to accept them and move on.

With the things happening in our organisations and our country right now this can be a useful point of view as we navigate the future together and travel towards the inevitable winter which will of course become summer again in due course.

Arohanui

Pink reflections: Conforming and Belonging

Like many others in New Zealand I was lucky enough to see Pink live in concert when she was here recently.  Someone I’ve long admired but my first time seeing her live.  What a show.  Such an amazing performance and so many things to admire. 

The fact she’s been at the top of her game for so long in a music industry which has changed so much.  The fact she now has fans that are daughters of her original fans and spans time in a way many artists can only dream of.  The fact that she remains so fit and strong with so much energy, despite being older than me and with two children now too.  So much to admire about this woman but what I admire the most is how she’s always been true to who she is, despite the pressure to be otherwise.

I remember when I first came across Pink, back in the nineties, not just for the love of her music, the messages she had, her ability to speak her own truth at a time when it was not popular for women to speak their mind or assert their views.  It won’t come as a surprise that she’s my hair and body idol and yet back then short hair and a strong body were not feminine, in fact those in the public eye faced a lot of vitriol and pressure to change their appearance to conform to the norm of what feminine should look like.  I remember many articles saying that Pink must be a lesbian, otherwise why would she look like that – it was never meant as a compliment and of course had nothing to do with her sexual orientation.

She’d broken a mould, failed to conform to the norms and what was expected of her and worse still she had a platform to celebrate those messages and her own opinions. 

Back then as I watched all this play out, most of what was being said as a negative I secretly aspired to be.  However, as a young, people pleasing girl. I grew my hair, tried to wear the right clothes and be feminine and conform so I wouldn’t become the target of this hatred. I imagine I’m not the only one with this story. Yet people like Pink were doing this regardless of the backlash they faced and this has allowed others to embrace who they are and stand in their own power too.

Fast forward to now and I’m finally comfortable in my body and have my hair cut as close to Pink’s as my hairdresser can manage!  I am a proud member of the rainbow community but also know this has nothing to do with how I chose to appear.  I’m not only comfortable in my own skin but confident in who I am and I think those two things are inextricably linked.

It is because of the likes of Pink who did this regardless of the pressure to change and stayed true to themselves that others, like me, were able to follow suit.  I’ve still got a way to go in replicating the physical power and muscle tone of this amazing human and won’t be abseiling across stadiums anytime soon but nor to I have to – we all have our own version of what it means to be us and how we follow in the footsteps of those who blaze a trail and do it in our own unique way.  This is how we belong, it’s how we bring our best and it makes for a better world.

There's power in peace

Traditionally our experiences of power have been dominated by negative forces of power.  A dominance, a power over and a ‘I must win’.  It plays out in our parliament, our world wars and our economies – sometimes even our own leadership tables or family groups.  I don’t believe this is real power though.  I believe there’s a type of power more powerful than this.

It’s a power that comes from self mastery, ego-lessness, discipline and compassion.  Think that doesn’t sound very powerful?  Read on.

Trump thought he was powerful when he took up office, in fact it’s one of the main reasons he wanted the job.  Yet quickly realised his decisions and policies were scrutinised by a nation and had to get approval through the house.  The role itself (president of the US) is considered to be one of the most powerful in the world and yet it doesn't necessarily mean the person in the role is powerful.  Whilst he thought he may have been too powerful to be held to account, the various court cases he’s now facing are proof you may be in a powerful role but doesn’t mean you’re not accountable for your actions.

Take another male leader at the other end of the extreme.  The Dalai Lama.  Who has managed to lead the global rise of Buddhism and the mindfulness movement across the world without ever having raised his voice.  All whilst being exiled from his home country of Tibet.  That’s true power.

It happens when we’re aligned to our values and purpose, when we’re egoless and service to others and when we can stand in our power knowing exactly who we are, what we’re doing for the world and the difference we can make to other people.

It’s why politicians are supposed to be in service to their countries and regions.  To be in service though is a different kind of power.  It’s a power with and through others for the greater good.  Not a power over, dominance which is ruled by ego.

More locally when we think of individuals (regardless of their positions of power).  There’s a personal power that comes from those who know themselves, a confidence in how they show up but a humility that they’re also human.

I think our power as a leader comes from this egoless humility and at the same time an ability to stand in our power with confidence.  I explain the difference in the video below.

As an example, it takes more power to control and regulate our emotions that it does to lose our shit.  It takes more power to remove ego and do what’s best for the greater good beyond our individual desires.

Some of the most powerful people are not loud, forceful or aggressive.  Their impact is felt though and always more positive. 

Power is simply how we influence others and how we have impact.  There are different forms of it and I believe this power with and through others, this quiet, humble, calm power is one we constantly under estimate in view of what we see play out in the media daily.  Yet harnessing this power gives us all an opportunity to show up, make an impact and make the world a better place.

·       Do you know what it feels like to stand in your power?

·       When are you at your most powerful?

·       How are you using your power today?

If you’re a woman or non binary leader join us for the monthly powHer hour to connect with like minded leaders and chat more about, leveraging power, owning your space and standing in your power

Are you really there? - the power of presence

I love being at the beach, it’s how I spend my weekends.  It recharges me and it’s where I do my thinking and reflecting.  However, this only works if I’m actually present whilst I’m at the beach.  If I sit on the sand and replay all the things I wish I’d done better that week I’m actually at work not at the beach. 

When I get present and feel the sand between my toes, the salt water on my skin and the sun on my face.  Watch the sunlight reflect off the water, listen to the sounds of the waves and the birds – that’s when I’m really at the beach.

If we’re not present, we may as well not be there. 

It’s how we can waste precious moments, holidays of a lifetime.  We may be there physically but mentally we’re somewhere else.  If we’re not present, we’re not there it’s as simple as that.

Being present to the moment is one thing, appreciating it is another and the second side of this coin.  If we don’t appreciate what we have we may as well not have it.  Ever moved into a new house and it’s got the best view?  Or got a new car or partner that just seems amazing?  Then the novelty wears off and you stop noticing the view, you see it every day.  Then all of  a sudden it’s like you don’t have a view.  This is what appreciation does.  Allow yourself to ‘have’ the things you ‘have’ by appreciating them.  The same applies here - If we don’t appreciate what we’ve got we may as well not have it.

If you’ve come across people with wealth in the bank who live a very poor life you’ve probably seen the best example of this.

So step one is being present – be where your feet are so that you’re really there and then the second step is appreciating that so you can enjoy what you have.  Whether that’s a day at the beach, a great view, the sunset or your holiday of a lifetime.

what do leaders need to prepare for in 2024?

One of the mantras of the pandemic era was “never let a good crisis go to waste.” Companies everywhere used the public health crisis to change their businesses in ways hard to imagine before, from remote work to greater DEI awareness and an emphasis on employee well-being.

Now, we’re in another type of crisis, one of uncertainty. We’re losing some of that ground we’ve gained and in the midst of economic uncertainty and budget cuts it’s a challenging landscape ahead for leaders.

On a global scale the pandemic, wars, climate change and economic impacts have led the World Economic Forum to label this current era a polycrisis.

Now more than ever our businesses will look to the capability of their leaders to not just lead through these challenging times and navigate the uncertain future but also to bring everyone else along the journey and help ‘calm the farm’.

From the latest reports out telling us what 2024 holds and where our focus should be, here are some of the highlights.  The challenges we’ll face in 2024 and the things that need to be on our priority list and that our leaders need to be supported in delivering:

·       Humanising leadership in the digital age

·       Managing change and uncertainty

·       Forming connection and collaboration in a hybrid working environment

·       Budget cuts and restructures

If we’re to navigate these challenges, much of our success will be determined by our focus of these three priority areas:

·       Building a diverse and inclusive culture

·       Motivating and engaging the workforce

·       Building leadership capability

Global reports by the likes of Gallup tell us that stress levels are still high and engagement levels are still low but rising steadily.  For example, when Gallup asked managers what changes their organisations made in 2023:

• 64% said employees were given additional job responsibilities

• 51% cited the restructuring of teams

• 42% reported budget cuts

To succeed in 2024, leaders should consider how they might need to re-skill to better support the changing needs of their workforce and organisational culture.  This starts with the humanness of leadership, The vertical growth over the horizontal growth of our technical skills, much of which AI may be set to replace over coming years.

With major breakthroughs expected in AI leaders are looking to the opportunities, disruption and change this will bring.  Leaders will need to be staying ahead of the game and at the same time leveraging the humanness of leadership.  Which in my mind has always been the number one role and skill of a great leader.

With all that said, it makes sense that leadership capability is still very much on the agenda.  As with every challenge our business faces, it falls to the leadership to navigate those challenges and lead others through the uncertainty.  As we face these changes we need to support, prepare and develop those who will lead the charge and bring others on the journey.

With the impact of sustained inflation and the risk of economic downturn, among other disrupting events, businesses are relying on leaders at all levels to help steer the ship.  Our leaders need to be ready to support our businesses as they prepare for technological advancements and disruptions, climate change, building inclusive cultures, changing demonographies, misinformation, wellbeing and resilience to future crisis.

In 2024, we expect diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives will become less of a unique, stand-alone concept and will instead be woven into the fabric of good leadership. No longer will DEI knowledge and skills be seen as optional or “nice to have;” instead, they’ll become integral components of what it means to be a leader as we build inclusive leadership for the future.

As the world of business keeps changing at a breakneck pace, one thing remains constant: leadership development is as vital as ever.  In fact, it’s more essential than ever before to stay ahead of the curve and develop the skills necessary to lead and inspire in an age of rapid technological advancements, shifting priorities, an unpredictable economy, and significant social change. 

These are the human skills of leadership, our vertical growth, the stuff that sets us apart from robots and make the difference as we lead people through change and uncertainty.

If you’d like me to dial into your next leadership team meeting to discuss the challenges of 2024 and how best to navigate them get in touch for availability.

Learning to run again

There’s certain things in life like walking, running and riding a bike you think you’ll only need to learn once.  I’ve not been able to run for some time and after knee surgery 6 months ago I’m slowly on the road to rehab and starting to run again. 

As the old saying goes, we must learn to walk before we can run, it’s slow progress.  It’s not that I’m likely to be training for a marathon any time soon but running is useful – it’s a handy skill to have if I’m late for a bus or being chased by lions.

My first physio session 6 months post surgery when we tried running involved 10 seconds on a very slow treadmill with me holding on to the sides – we all start somewhere.  It turns out my body has forgotten how to run.

This makes sense as it’s been a long time and we forget things, muscle memory in particular if we’ve not performed an action for a while.  It’s also a safety thing psychologically.  Running caused me harm so it’s not a surprise that my body is reluctant to do it again.

With the help and support of my Physio and rehab team we’re teaching my body how to run again and that it can do it safely.  It’s a long process but one in which we’re making progress every day.

The point behind sharing this story is to help us all reflect.  What do we need to relearn to do?  What have we not done for a while due to fear or risk?  What support can we enlist to help make that happen and get back on track?  And of course the knowledge that we’re always beginners, even when we’re experts and learning and relearning is part of life.  Even for the things that seem to come naturally there are sometimes events in our life that require us to relearn the basics and that’s ok. 

Of course this doesn’t just apply to physical injuries but I think you’ll have figured that out by now!

Arohanui

Jess

Women and Power or as I like to call it: PowHer

Power is an interesting concept and one I think has been tainted from a gender perspective.  It’s the topic of my most recent book and something I’ve wanted to explore for the women I work with for a long time now.  It’s led me to redefine this word to PowHer.  Let me explain what I mean by this.

Power has long been associated with those in positions of power, those who have power over others.  Powerful figures in business or politics have long been masculine and many have sought to have power over others and not always have used it for good.  It’s given power a bad name and taken us away from what power could and should be to us. 

If we look at the dictionary definition it is genderless.  Described as the ability to do something or act in a particular way.  The capacity to direct or influence the behaviour of others or the course of events or to travel/move with great force.

I believe our power and potential are linked.  Like potential energy from a physics perspective.  It’s an ability that has the capacity to be developed for future success.  Like the energy mass in a gravitational field – the charge.  If only we realised we all have this power within us capable of propelling us towards our potential.  In fact the word potential in Latin origins comes from potentia meaning power.

I believe power is something that comes from within.  It’s less about power over and power from.  When we stand in our power it comes from us and through us.  It’s not something we need to have over others.  It’s about stepping into the spotlight and owning our brilliance and changing the way we relate to the word power.

Mary Parker Follet was a world leading guru in the leadership space well before women were allowed to even speak into that space.  It’s probably why most of us have never heard of her.  Interestingly Peter Drucker who is very famous in the same space points to her as his guru and yet rightly points out the world forgot about her work in favour of celebrating the men who later made the same points. 

She talked about this concept of power with rather than power over and I believe that’s the feminine version of power.  It’s a shared power, a united force for the same goal.  It’s not a dominant, I must win at the cost of you. 

I believe this power with is also a power from within.  It’s often not loud or forceful yet just as impactful.  It’s an inner power.  You know the kind of power I’m talking about.  You sense it from those who have it.  It oozes from them before they’ve even begun to speak.  It’s a presence, an inner knowing, a way of being.

Power from within is our mental power.  Something a master zen monk may have without any physical muscle tone whatsoever!  It’s our ability to regulate our emotions, overcome challenges and remain resilient.  It doesn’t matter how physically strong we are if this isn’t something we’ve mastered.  This is where the real power is and something that’s often untapped. 

We are often more powerful than we think but can give it away, fear it or under estimate our own power.  It’s common for women to dim our light to make others feel better.  Or to be afraid of power because we’ve been told it’s masculine or we’ve had a negative experience with it in the past.

If power has been held over you as a form of dominance it’s not surprising that we might have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.  So often we’ve seen powerful female leaders or athletes referred to in derogatory terms as if this power is a negative not a positive force.  The same power in her male counterparts though is celebrated. 

There are longstanding stereotypes that associate power with masculinity and assertiveness, while femininity is often associated with passivity and submissiveness. These stereotypes can make it harder for women to be seen as powerful without being judged harshly or experiencing backlash.

Women who assert themselves or display strong leadership qualities are often judged more harshly than men in similar positions. Women may be viewed as aggressive, bossy, or unlikeable for displaying the same behaviors that are expected and celebrated in men.  Women are often underrepresented in positions of power, this can create a perception that women are not capable of wielding power or that they are not suited for leadership roles.  Despite our experience is showing us different, just consider the different covid responses from countries led by women and men.

You can see why we might have a difficult relationship to power or be too keen to give it away when you see the societal constructs and generation baggage it comes with!  I believe our inner power though and our feminine power with is key to our success and something we should leverage more.

I believe in the Yin and Yang energies at play here.  Both are powerful and yet both look different in intensity and force.  I like to think of our feminine power like this.  Sometimes it will be of a more yang quality and other times it’s so yin it goes unnoticed yet makes a massive impact.

There’s another form of power I think it’s important to talk about here too.  It’s our inner power.  In Māori know as Ahi ka, meaning inner fire.  This is who we are at our core, it’s when we’re aligned to our values and connected to our purpose, it forms part of our identity and is how we show up.

Our ahi kaa is so important.  When we’re in touch with who we are and coming from a place that is authentic and aligned, everything we do is so much more powerful.  It’s our essence.

We lose power and our inner fire goes out when we’re misaligned, our values are contradicted, we can’t find meaning and purpose in what we do, or we second guess ourselves or we’re doing things we feel we should rather than what’s true in our heart.  It also dims when we’re busy, tired, overwhelmed and feel like we’re not coping.  The inner fire belongs in our gut and our heart which is why we can feel it here when things aren’t right. 

When we ignite our ahi kaa we’re real, genuine, authentic.  We’re firing and we perform better.  It’s key to our sense of belonging and central to our health and such a powerful place to operate from too.

Of course when we stand in our own power and are comfortable owning our power we are less inclined to compare to others.  To worry we’re not good enough, to second guess or doubt ourselves.  We’re also able to accept our mistakes and learn from them without it ruining us.

It’s also less intimidating and harmful to others.  Simply put, we don’t need power over others when we’re in touch with our inner power and can own our space and know what we stand for.  It’s a more impactful place to come from and it’s also more enjoyable.

It took me years to figure this out.  I went from thinking I didn’t have any power, to not wanting any because it thought it was negative to now being able to own my space and know my impact.  In a comfortable way that keeps me humble though as doesn’t assume I’ve got it all figured out.

If this resonates why not join me for the monthly PowHer hour chat.  A chance every month to connect with like minded women and non binary leaders and ask me anything.  I’ll be hosting this free session at lunchtime on the last Friday of every month, would love for you to join us.  Click here for details and the log on details.

The problem with our no limits mantras is this...

I was in a hotel gym recently and these slogans troubled me.  They’re popular in the high performance sports world and in deed how we’re encouraged to life our life.  Fast and hard, push through, sleep when you’re dead and all that.  I think that’s why we’re all injured, unhappy and on the verge of burnout too though.

If I go faster and harder I’m likely to get injured and if I run through walls I’m not likely to be back at the gym the following day.  I see how it might be motivating when we’re tiring from an exercise point of view but I believe the most sustainable way to perform at our peak is to listen to our bodies, know where our energy is at, what we’re capable of and respond to that knowing it’ll be different on any given day.

Now I’m in the gym rehabbing from knee surgery so there’s no way in the world I’m able to push through walls, I can’t even run yet!  In fact it’s that mantra in my sporting days that got me here in the first place with multiple ruptured ligaments.

What if we didn’t push through walls or need to be faster, stronger.  What if we just did enough without sacrificing ourselves.  What if we gave all that was in our tank without having to go into a deficit that left us overwhelmed and sick?  I reckon that’d be a better mantra for performance both at the gym and in our life and work.  It also means we’re much more likely to come back and be able to do it all again the next day and the day after.  It’s sustainable excellence.

The problem with the no limits mantra is that as humans we do have limits.  We have limited energy, we are only capable of working so many hours in a day before our effectiveness declines.  Our muscles have limits to what they can do and our brains have limits to the amount of information they can consume.  Behaving as if we have no limits means we’re constantly crossing those limits – bringing about burnout, illness, injury and overwhelm.

That’s not an excuse to sit on the couch either.  As high performers that’s probably something we find more difficult than pushing through walls!  It’s the middle ground, the sustainable approach.

I prefer the approach of Akitō, a Māori term meaning to do things slowly, to take time and therefore make a  better job.  To allow rather than push, to do less but better.  A more sustainable, enjoyable approach to progress.  When you take time, you give more attention, you get better results.

Nature is a great example, it knows it’s limits, it works within them and it’s constantly adapting to the seasons and changing as the environment does.  Lao Tzu said “nothing in nature is rushed and yet everything is achieved”

Doing enough with what we’ve got on the given day and responding to the peaks and troughs that are performance – that’s a recipe for brilliance that’s sustainable.

Ahi kaa - keeping your inner fire burning

On a recent retreat one of our guests talked about how the experience has reignited her ahi kaa.  A te reo māori word with the closest translation meaning inner fire, essence, who you are.  It’s what we bring to everything we do both at work and at home.  Sometimes our inner fire can get dampened.  Either by busyness, negative experiences, other people.  Or sometimes we dim our light – worried we’ll not meet the expectations, uncomfortable in the spotlight or just in a bid to fit in or not appear as a threat to others.

Our ahi kaa is so important.  When we’re in touch with who we are and coming from a place that is authentic and aligned, everything we do is so much more powerful.  It’s our essence.

I’ve known what it’s like to be living out of alignment with my essence.  As an introverted leader surrounded by extroverts.  As a gay women in a straight relationship, as a girl playing ‘boys’ sports, as a burned out high achiever and as an author feeling uncomfortable in the spotlight.

Our inner fire goes out when we’re misaligned, our values are contradicted, we can’t find meaning and purpose in what we do, or we second guess ourselves or we’re doing things we feel we should rather than what’s true in our heart.  It also dims when we’re busy, tired, overwhelmed and feel like we’re not coping.  The inner fire belongs in our gut and our heart which is why we can feel it here when things aren’t right.  It’s also why it’s connected to our intuition.

Whilst burnout can come from doing too much it’s also a result of living out of alignment to our values, not having a sense of freedom and autonomy or unable to find meaning and purpose in what we do.  That’s why stoking our inner fire and remaining in touch with this ahi kaa is a way of beating burnout too.

When we ignite our ahi kaa we’re real, genuine, authentic.  We’re firing and we perform better.  It’s key to our sense of belonging and central to our health and happiness too.

How do we do this?

Work out who you are and what makes you tick, what lights you up, what do you stand for, what are your values?  This will be shaped by your experiences, your passion and the things that matter to you.  It’s how we find meaning in what we do and give us a sense of purpose.  It’s always an impactful exercise at my leadership workshops and retreats.

Then once we’re in touch with it we need to keep fueling it.  This means taking regular time to recharge, to reflect, to realign.  Protecting it from people and situations that might dampen it.  To keep learning about ourselves and evolving as we go.  To stay present with ourselves and mindful of what we’re doing and why, to listen to our intuition.  To stay true to our values regardless of the pressure to act otherwise and to be proud of what makes us unique not trying to change that or be more like others to fit in.

This is living in accordance with our essence and stoking our ahi kaa.

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation or get your place on the next residential

Women in technology: the data, stats and what next?

According to a report by The World Bank, women make up less than a third of the world’s workforce in technology-related fields.  Data from McKinsey found that 50% of women who enter the technology field abandon it by the age of 35.  Add to that the percentage of women in tech leadership roles has fallen to 28% in 2023 and we can see there’s still work to be done here.

Studies have shown that diversity in our organisations is not only important but delivers the return on investment increasing profits for those business with greater diversity.  The multiple perspectives of a diverse team are key to innovation.   Yet we know there are still not enough women entering and staying in the tech industry.  Whether it’s the male domination of the environment, bias, gender stereotypes and barriers or burnout, family responsibilities and work-life balance issues.  The environment and challenges are still different for women. 

·       57% of women in technology reported feeling burned out at work, compared to 36% of men.

·       78% of women in tech report feeling like they must work harder than male coworkers to prove themselves.

·       32% of women in technical and engineering roles are often the only woman in the room at work.

Women make 80% of the purchasing decisions in the home, are users of our tech and its estimated by 2023 will have access to two thirds of the worlds wealth.  Put simply, if women are not represented well in your business you’re missing out which has a flow on effect on products, innovation and of course the bottom line.  So how do we close the gap and increase diversity in the industry?

Many of our aspiring leaders, especially if they’re from under represented groups experience bigger challenges in unlocking their potential and progressing.  Often feeling like they need to know more, have more influence, presence, feel more confident when sat at the leadership table.  It’s different for women and this programme has the solutions. For those new in role or just looking to prove themselves and deliver on what you know they’re capable of.

It's not just getting the roles though but feeling like we can own our space when we get there.  Far too often lack of confidence, lack of belonging or cultural misalingment leads to us overworking to the point of burnout to prove ourselves, leave part of ourselves at home in a bid to fit in or simply leave searching for an environment that aligns and feels like a better fit.

It's critical we support and nurture our leaders to grow and develop but even more critical when they are new in role or from under represented groups where they may look and sound different from others around the table.  It can lead to us second guessing ourselves and trying to change the very skills and traits we were hired for in a bid to fit it.  This support is key not just for their success but the impact they go on to have in the organisation.

The work that I do focuses on self leadership and knowing your brand whilst building mental fitness and the stamina to deliver on the demands of leadership, I believe where these two meet is the sweet spot of leadership development for this new era.  Leadership isn’t something we do, it’s who we are.  It’s about how we show up, the legacy we leave and how we make others feel.  The technical skills will only get us so far and look set to be the very stuff AI may replace one day in the not too distant future.  Self leadership, the inner game, whatever you call it.  These are the skills that future proof our leaders, prepare them for managing change and uncertainty and help them tap into the skills and behaviours that build great cultures and inspire and motivate others.

I believe whilst success in leadership assumes good technical knowledge, the skillset that gets you the job in the first place, there’s much more to it. Beyond that there is the awareness and belief in your abilities along with the energy to deliver on that and perform at your peak. What is it I should be doing as a successful leader, how do I ensure I manage and motivate my team whilst also delivering results? How do I deliver on my potential as a leader and build my brand to lead with confidence?

I help leaders discover what it takes to be a great leader, critical skills required and how we progress into leadership roles and sustain high performance for ourselves and those who work with us. Understanding the unique issues women in the workplace face and how we navigate this to achieve our potential. Learn how to leverage your strengths, progress your career and continuously develop. Including resilience and executive stamina, emotional intelligence, dealing with self-doubt and imposter syndrome and how we manage ourselves as well as lead and inspire others. Build your brand and credibility, balance the busyness and embrace your authenticity as a leader to motivate those you work with to deliver results.

“In the digital era, the explosion of technology has been matched by an equally seismic shift in the ways we think and talk about it. New digital tools give rise to new conceptual frameworks for understanding how these tools affect and interact with society. The voices of women, girls and other marginalized groups, historically absent in tech spaces, are urgently needed in decision-making processes.” UN Women

Keen to find out more about how I’ve been supporting other tech businesses with their women in tech programmes, get in touch and let’s chat about a bespoke programme for your organisaiton.

Why are more Executives leaving (especially women) and what can we do about it?

A 2022 global study by Deloitte found that 70% of Executives are seriously considering leaving their current role for one that better supports their wellbeing.  Fifty six percent of the those Executives have done it before and 82% would be more likely to stay with their organisation if it better supported their wellbeing.

Ever since the global pandemic we’re seeing a shift in Leadership retention.  Post pandemic we talked about the great resignation which seems to have come to an end, but not the impacts.  The fact that such a major event led many of us to an epiphany about what’s important in life has led to many of us reconsidering our working hours or career choices.  Whilst the great resignation might be over according to economists we’re still seeing leaders leave, especially women.  Why?

Whether it’s the pandemic, the weather events, pivoting, change, uncertainty, economic issues, restructuring, team engagement, talent retention, hybrid working, recruitment difficulties, staff shortages, empathy fatigue or burnout it’s a very long list that continues to weigh heavy on our leaders and of course even heavier if those leaders are also from under represented groups.

Not only have we gone through the last few years ourselves, we’ve had to carry others through it too, our teams, our families and each other.  We’re at the forefront of responding to crisis but often last on the list when it comes to support and care.  Quite simply we’re often too busy doing it for others to stop and apply the same rules for each other.

Burnout is on the rise and there’s two categories in which McKinsey tell us the stats (which have increased across the board post pandemic) get higher still – that’s gender (43% of women leaders are burned out compared to 31% of men) and senior leadership (leaders burn out at a higher rate than others).

There’s also been a shift towards changing the traditional model of working full time without a break.  Not just brought about by burnout but changing priorities and more opportunities to do things differently.  Whether it’s sabbaticals, early retirement, part time work or starting your own business.  We’re seeing leaders seriously look at options that only a few years ago were uncommon.

Increased flexibility and choices and non traditional ways of working has opened up many options for leaders who want more in life.  Often at the peak of their career they have the skills and experience to have many more choices.  They also often have the financial stability to rethink some of those choices.  I want to go part time and spend more time with the kids.  I want to start my own business to gain more freedom and flexibility.  I want to work for a non profit that aligns to my values and passions.  We’re focused on leaving a legacy and making a life these days far more than just earning a living.

Because of these increased choices and realigning to what’s important we’re less likely to stand for mistreatment, toxic cultures and being overworked.  Not just when there’s other options at play but as senior leaders we’ve generally gained a lot of knowledge and experience on our way up the career ladder that allows us to know what we stand for (and what we don’t).

Unfortunately there’s also issues like burnout, ill health and menopause that’s having us rethink our leadership tenure.  Sometimes forcing ourselves out of the workplace altogether or making options like sabbaticals more tenable.  For some it’s becoming their own boss that is seen as the solution and for those at and age and financial position where early retirement is an option we’re seeing this play out too.

Much of this impacts women more so than men.  My friend and leadership expert Kate Billing mentioned recently that based on anecdotal evidence from New Zealand organisations since the beginning of 2022, female senior leaders are resigning in roughly twice the numbers of their male counterparts, often citing wellbeing.

We’re now seeing higher numbers of women resigning to start up their own businesses with a recent 40% increase reported.  Not only are we losing talent but we’re also losing diversity with these uneven numbers and increased pressure on female executives.

All of this is important because as with any turnover spike it tends to be the talent that goes first, it becomes harder to attract diverse talent if you’re losing it out of the other door.  Not to mention the knowledge, skills and organisational consistency impacts too.  We also know when the world is turned on its head and people start to reassess their options it’s those on higher salaries that always have the most options to chose from.  Add to that the age and stage of many of our C Suite and it often coincides with mortgages being paid off, kids leaving home and elderly parents passing on.  Life opens up in a way that spending all our hours at work no longer seems to fit with.

Unless of course that work (and the organisation we do it for), lights us up, fills our bucket, gives us a sense of meaning and purpose.  Allows us the autonomy to grow with the support to stretch and respond to challenge.  A sense of achievement with the recognition to go with it.  Working in a way that supports our wellbeing and mental health not detracts from it.  For people we care about, a work family, that makes it worth leaving our actual family for a few days a week.

So what can we do to ensure we’re not losing so many of our top executives?  From the work that I do and feedback from leaders I train and coach here’s a few top tips. 

·       Invest in leadership development (continuously not just once early in someone’s role)

·       Make wellness a priority for everyone, especially your senior leaders

·       Walk the talk and role model the kind of behaviour that makes people want to stay

·       Be aware of the challenges your leadership team faces and how best to navigate those

·       Improve diversity, equity and inclusion in your leadership team

·       Nurture your existing leaders

·       Support emerging leaders

·       Consider how your environment contributes to the solution or the problem

·       Allow flexibility and breathing space in the schedules of your leadership team

·       Assess the priorities and refocus to ensure people are not spread too thin

·       Address concerns and have the tough conversations

Need a hand with any of that?  Tap into my decade of HR and Leadership Development experience and get in touch for facilitated sessions, workshops and leadership retreats for your team.

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation.

What gross national happiness can teach us about performance

Burnout is becoming more prevalent, in fact the World Health Organisation predicts that burnout will be a global pandemic in less than a decade, and the World Economic Forum estimates an annual burnout cost of £225 billion to the global economy. Add to that the organisational cost of burnout: increased turnover, absenteeism and, of course, the obvious impact on performance. That’s before we mention the personal cost of burnout which so many of us have experienced.

The term ‘burnout’ was first coined in 1974 by Herbert Freudenberger in his book Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement. He originally defined burnout as ‘the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results.’

We use ‘burnout’ to describe physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Burnout is more than the fatigue we experience at the end of a demanding week, though. It’s an exhaustion that doesn’t ease up after a long weekend recharging the batteries. It’s the kind of tired even sleep can’t fix.

It’s clear the ways we’re working are not sustainable and as demand for my popular burnout to brilliance masterclasses has grown so too have my thoughts about how we can do things differently.

I’m reminded of the time I spent in Bhutan, the kingdom famous for gross national happiness in place of GDP as how they measure the progress of their people and their country.  What can we learn from the gross national happiness approach for business?

Ever since the Industrial revolution when we paid people by the hour to work in factories we’ve considered more is better.  The more hours worked the more product (and therefore money) made.  It’s how GDP works for our economy and has for too long been the measure by which our organisations (and governments) succeed or fail.  The only thing is though whilst we may succeed financially it’s coming at a heavy cost (which ironically is costing us much of those dollars earned to fix).  We call it productive but it’s not effective.  We’re not measuring what matters and it’s costing us.  It’s an outdated model that doesn’t serve our new world, in fact it’s detrimental.

We’re running a marathon at a sprint pace, it’s not sustainable.  We’ve been looking in the wrong places for success, the busyness we thought would make us productive has just burnout us out.  It’s not our fault, it’s what most of our organisations have been built on and it was always the employee of the month who worked the hardest, stayed late, put in the extra hours.  We’ve been encouraged to think the more we do the more valuable we’ll be but it’s not necessarily the case because what value can we add when we’re on the verge of burnout, exhausted and unable to think?  I think it’s time we measured what matters and found a new way of working.

In 1968 Robert Kennedy said of economic development and GDP; “we have surrendered personal excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things……… it measures everything in short except that which makes life worth living.”  Yet here we are half a decade later doing the same thing and expecting different results.

In Burnout to Brilliance I describe this as the difference between busy and effective, value and impact versus hours worked, quality versus quantity.  We know that once we get to our edge, any further quantity we try and add to our day results in less quality.  Exhaustion kicks in, mistakes get made and cognitive function slows, none of this is conducive to peak performance.  Yet when we focus on quality we’re adding value and making an impact – this is where the gold is.

Bhutan is one of the few countries that do this differently.  Using GNH in place of GDP they’re measuring what matters.  It drives the decisions their government makes and enables them to take into account the things that are more important than money – the things that mean real progress.  Like being 100% organic, like preserving at least 60% of the natural forest (despite deforestation being worth millions if they sold all their timber to their Chinese neighbours).  When they make decisions they have to fit at least 2 of four criteria.  Money is one of them but that alone isn’t enough unless it also preserves the natural environment, their cultural heritage or is good for the people’s wellbeing.

During my time in Bhutan I was trekking up to the Tigers Nest monastery in the Himalayas.  A much older but more fitter monk was leading us to the top, it was a warm day and I was clearly not as used to this as he was.  “How far is it to the top” I asked.  He replied “it’s better to travel well than to arrive”.  i.e. slow down, enjoy the view, you’ve travelled from the other side of the world to be here so be here.  We’re so consumed with trying to get to the destination or the goal.  To get everything on the do to list done but what’s the point if it comes at the cost of ourselves.  What if we focused on traveling well?  The monks point of course was if we focus on the journey the destination takes care of itself, we get there, just in better shape.  But we’re not travelling well and for many of us it’s meaning we also don’t ‘arrive’.

We live like our purpose is to get everything on our to do list done and yet as fast as we tick stuff off, more stuff gets added.  What’s the point of arriving at our destination or goal if we’ve destroyed our health, performance and relationships in the process.  Success should not come with such a heavy price to pay,  Real wealth is not measurable in only dollars and if we continue with this model we don’t just sacrifice ourselves but the very performance we think this approach should lead to. 

The irony of course is that this model is costing us billions in lost productivity, engagement and sickness absence as we push people harder to make more on our bottom line and return a good price for our shareholders.  Imagine what we’d save on those costs if we did this in a more sustainable way.

The organisations of the future are, the leaders of the future role model this and they will be where the talent is drawn to.  The current generation entering the workforce want to work sustainably, they’re not sold on the post industrial revolution mantras our parents taught us, the 9-5 and the harder you work the more success you’ll make of life and just hang on in there until you can retire.

Imagine if our bottom lines also accounted for the environment, social change, diversity and wellness of those in the business – as well as the financial outcomes.  Some may argue that focusing on those things would contribute to a better financial outcome anyway!

Let’s chat about making this change in your organisation to allow more humans to produce brilliance rather than burnout and save money on the cost of disengaged, under performing, exhausted teams.

Why I'm taking December off

I’ve made a big decision this month and it’s took some getting there.  I’ve decided to finish early this year and take the whole of December off.  It’s been an interesting decision, particularly watching the internal narrative and the challenges that have come up and made this hard.

Logically I work for myself and this is a slow time of year so it should be pretty straight forward and yet it’s not.  “I should be working up until Christmas, everyone else is.  What if my business suffers?  What if someone wanted me for something and I let them down?  What are people going to think?  Does it look like I’m slacking off.” 

Despite the fact that I work for myself I’ve been waiting for someone to give me permission to take such an extended break and put my health first.  I’m the only one who can give that permission and right now it’s needed.

Many of you know I had knee surgery in July that I’m still recovering from and has impacted my ability to do my work (as many of you will have seen when I’ve been limping on and off stage or to and from your workshops!) What you don’t know is that during that surgery it become apparent that I might have a heart problem and a touch of long covid happening, tests are showing it might be more endocrine related but either way I need some rest! 

It’s always amused me that when we get a diagnosis of some description we realise – god I’ve been so tried this year, that’s why!  I’d thought it was just life!  So often we put these feelings down to a normal side effect of life and running our own business.  Yet it’s not normal and whilst it won’t always be a heart condition there’s often a reason why we don’t feel right.

So for all of these reasons I’m finishing early and taking some time off.  It’s a great opportunity to practice what I preach and yet also a time to reflect on the normal barriers that come up when we consider doing something for our own health (even when we need to!)

So if you’re feeling guilty or waiting for permission to take time for you, know that it’s normal and do it anyway.  You’ll have heard me talk about our one priority for right now, we’ll this is mine, my health, it has to be and it shouldn’t take a medical diagnosis for this to be the case right!

A massive thanks you to everyone I’ve worked with this year and all those who’ve been in touch to offer feedback and encouragement over the course of 2023.  I love my work and I love that it gets to impact so many lives.  For now I need to focus on impacting my own for a bit.  Here’s hoping your summer break, when ever it begins is a restful one full of recharging and preparing for 2024.

You’ll see a few scheduled newsletters and posts from me over the next few weeks but rest assured I’ll be taking the time to rest and recover ready for 2024.

3 lessons learned from my rehab

A few weeks ago I wrote this blog on small steps towards progress that resonated with many.  I thought it was time for an update and to expand on that.  10 weeks post knee surgery and the progress continues and it’s still slow!  An excellent opportunity to practice patience though and reflect on some of the lessons I’ve learned, here’s 3 that are sitting with my right now that I think translate well into life.

Small is still impactful.  It’s true that the small things often make the biggest difference and when we’re recovering from anything, small is often all that we can do to start.  Whether it’s burnout, physical or mental illness or simply recharging from a busy week.  Small steps still make a difference and is often the best starting point.  It’s also more doable.  Can’t walk around the block, sit in the sun and have a cup  of tea outside.  Can’t meditate, think of 3 things you’re grateful for.  It’s part of my self care plan A and plan B method.  This week I’ve been reflecting on my gym time for my rehabilitation.  It’s now at about 30 minutes but started at 5 minutes.  We’d never normally think there’s time to go to the gym or do exercise if we’ve got under an hour.  But what could we do in 5-10 minutes?  A few stretches, a walk around the block, sit on an exercise bike?  All of this is better than nothing.  The funny thing is if we go to the gym for 5-10 minutes we’ll often find we do more whilst we’re there.  Getting there is often the hardest part.  I’ll now find myself doing upper body weights that don’t impact my knee just because I’ve been there and got inspired by my short rehab routine the physio has given me.

That brings me to the next lesson – building the team around you.  Since surgery I’ve added a team of professionals to my list of one (the surgeon) help my recovery.  A physio, my Osteo, a sports massage therapist as well as my doctor and orthopaedic specialist.  There’s also the ACC team that keep an eye on my return to work plan too.  Similar to my business I have a team of people around me.  My admin staff, my designer, my accountant, my mentors, book editors and printers.  Who’s in your team?  Whatever your goal or your personal and professional development plans, who supports you with that?  Where are the gaps and who might be the best person to fill that gap?  Is it a health coach, a business professional or maybe friends and family?

And finally it’s making time for the goals we’re working on.  I’ve had to devote time in the week around my work for my rehab, whether it’s seeing health professionals or doing my rehab exercises it’s become a job in itself!

Devote time to make progress, make time for what matters.  So often our dreams can be on the back burner and we never get there.  They always seem off in the distance – when I retire, when I get richer, when the kids leave home.  If we don’t make time to take action we’ll never make progress.  Even if we devote just one hour a month to think about those dreams it’s a start and once the ball is rolling every thing becomes easier.  Whether it’s to write an action plan, start some study, research your OE or look at pictures of that ideal house.  Make time and you’ll make progress.

So building a support team around us is key, as is making time to make progress and of course small steps.  I’d add to this as we do progress to celebrate those milestones and the small wins – this keeps us motivated on the journey and helps us acknowledge how far we’ve come.

Why I only surf the small waves

Those who know me know I love to surf.  However when the waves are pumping like ex tropical cyclone swells you’ll not find me in the water.  The pro surfers love the big waves.  I prefer the small ones.  I don’t like risking my life and getting bashed about.  I like to have fun and know that what I’m tackling is achievable and within my own limits.  I also have a healthy fear and respect for the water and what a powerful swell is capable of.  Even since I got caught in my first rip at Bondi as a backpacker (swimming, not surfing)!

 It’s led me to think about how this applies to life.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could control the size of the waves that hit us in life?  To only go out in the water when the waves were manageable and the challenges fun?  The fact is, in life, we don’t get to choose the size of our waves.  Sometimes it’s only when we’re on a wave that we realise how big it is and feels like it might swallow us up.

 It reminds me of a few surfs I’ve had in Raglan.  When I’ve thought that the waves were manageable and then once I’m out back realise they’ve gone all Raglan on me and I feel like I’m floating over multi story buildings!  It’s here I feel the fear, want to back out, head to the safety of the shore.  But it’s too late.  Sometimes a big wave hits you out of nowhere and you either have to commit to riding it or getting wiped out as it dumps you on your head.  Now these are the waves more like life!

 The stuff that’s out of our control, that we can see coming and plan for or that comes out of the blue and up turns everything, literally ripping the stability from under our feet.  If we can’t get to the safety of the shore we have 2 choices, either try and surf the wave the best way we know how or to let it wipe us out anyway and allow it to take us under.

 We don’t always control the waves that come at us in life, but we do have a choice about how we manage them, what we do and how we stay afloat as the waves roll through.

Need help surfing the waves for you and your team? Let’s chat and see how I might be able to help. Book your free call here.