Understanding the allies bell curve to embrace equity

Today I’m thinking about the humble bell curve, which can apply to most trends and I think applies to Allyship too.  As with most things there are the minority at the top already doing the mahi and succeeding, there are those at the bottom not the least bit interested (and in some cases actively working against allies) and then there’s most others who sit somewhere around the middle.

In a bell curve for Men as Allies we’ll often find in the bottom minority the misogynists (potentially lost to the cause and likely to get left behind - I see some of them occasionally trolling my linked in feed!)  The top of the curve are the amazing minority at the other end of the scale.  They actively speak out and don’t fear the backlash from other men, they are all about staying ahead and comfortable in their own masculinity they don’t see equity as a threat, they see is for what it is – good for the world.  I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few of these men.  Then there’s the majority in the middle.  Good men who want to help but don’t know how or are worried they’ll say the wrong thing or just blissfully unaware that the world is any different to anyone else without their privilege.  Changing the majority shifts the curve as we know.  Look at the example with Te Reo in the workplace.  A decade ago we barely heard it outside of Kaupapa maori organisations and now you’re the odd one out if you can’t do your pepeha to welcome a new staff member.

Those men who are at the top end of this curve are generally high in EQ, they are courageous so don’t fear standing up for those with less privilege than them.  They understand that’s what’s required to create a better world and are often more open, collaborative and empathic.  They want to use their privilege for good and don’t fear the locker room boys chat or questions from men who get more scared when they stand up for women.  Anyone who does this has to be comfortable in their own skin, authentic and brave, they also see kindness as a strength, don’t have a scarcity mindset and know they’ll always get a piece of the pie based on their advantage and there’s enough of said pie to go around.  These are the men who’ll change the world.  They’re also smart because others not on this journey risk getting left behind.  They see the world is changing and they’re ahead of that change and adapting with it.  Those getting left behind are generally angry, scared and feeling irrelevant, which is why we see some of the behaviors we do.  It comes from a place of insecurity and fear, a scarcity mindset.  A feeling that I’m losing out and the world is changing in a way that threatens my privilege.

So how do we bring everyone on this journey and ensure the curve shifts.  With more allies the equity journey becomes so much easier and it’s one that everyone is traveling then too.

In my activating allies programme there are 3 steps: Awareness, Understanding and Action

First we need to become aware of our own privilege and aware of the experience of others, how this differs and why allies are so important.

 Then to understand what this is about, how I get involved and how to do that in a way that gives me confidence I’m not going to say or do the wrong thing.  I also need to understand the why and what’s in it for me so I can buy into the effort this requires on my part too.

 I also think there’s an important part of the journey here when men not only understand their role and why this is worth the effort but have the opportunity to share concerns and worries.  To unpick the scarcity that can come from giving up space for others that has only been ours for so long.  To be heard and not feel canceled.  This needs to be done in a mana enhancing way to ensure everyone can move forward together.

Once I understand and believe in the Kaupapa I’m empowered to step up and make small steps to becoming an Ally.  I’ve learned what to look out for and what small changes I can make to use my privilege well and support others who don’t have the same privilege.

This increased understanding and ability to make a difference means I’m less fearful of what I might lose and aware of what everyone stands to gain.  I’m doing my bit and it feels good.

When this happens others start to follow suit, we see a shift in the curve as we move to the right and progress.  I’m reminded of the 90’s when moisturizer became a thing for men, pink shirts and everything else my fathers generation would never been seen dead doing!

In this space the scarcity disappears I feel heard and I’m not canceled.  Equity is not an us and them journey but one we’re all in together for the good of our organisations, our families and the world.

The bottom line is the world is changing, we are progressing and those at the bottom end of the bell curve may get left behind but the majority in the middle are an important part of our success and in many cases open and willing to come along on this journey when activated.

Find out more about my activating allies programme here.

Equity is for all: reducing division and activating allies

The rise of women does not mean the downfall of men.  It is not an us and them, we’re all in this together.  Equity is for the good of the world and everyone who lives in it regardless of gender (and other intersections).  What I’ve seen has led me to conclude that the fear and scarcity around this subject is causing division and it’s delaying progress.

If women gain equity in the leadership space, the pay space and at home does it mean that men lose out?  This is the fear.  That I might get less if you get more.  Equity is not a share of a pie that we’re rationing to go around.  There’s enough for everyone and everyone benefits.  Add to that of course that minority groups are not asking for more just the same as majorities have always had!

But this is also why people can feel threatened – leading to this fear response, a defensiveness, a scarcity mindset. It’s why allies are so important on this journey.

An ally is comfortable in their own skin, authentic and brave, they also see kindness as a strength, don’t have a scarcity mindset and know they’ll always get a piece of the pie based on their advantage and there’s enough of said pie to go around.  These are the men who’ll change the world.  They’re also smart because others not on this journey risk getting left behind.  They see the world is changing and they’re ahead of that change and adapting with it.  Those getting left behind are generally angry, scared and feeling irrelevant, which is why we see some of division and behaviors that go with it.  It comes from a place of insecurity and fear, a scarcity mindset.  A feeling that I’m losing out and the world is changing in a way that threatens my privilege.

We all have something to offer.  Giving a voice to others does not mean mine isn’t heard.  The data tells us that if we’re in a majority group we’ll not struggle to get pay increases, leadership roles or any other opportunity available to us.

We’re not wrong for having privilege but we do need to learn how to use it and understand that because of it our experience is vastly different to that of others.  Rather than being defensive about this though or feeling guilty if we come from a place of curiosity and learning we can listen to the experience of others, understand how we can support and use our privilege to make the world a better place.

We need to respect everyone’s voice, not cancel out those we think have had the majority of the air time.  It needs to be done in a mana enhancing way so that everyone’s heard, everyone’s experience is validated.  I think from this comes a willingness to engage, to listen, to understand other view points other than our own and a greater likelihood that we’ll all be part of this journey to embracing equity and making a real difference in the world.

This starts by understanding privilege and unconscious bias.  Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable and being in a vulnerable place of not knowing all the answers or being the only expert in the room.  It requires us to listen before we speak and collaborate with curiosity rather than assume my experience is the only one and therefore correct.

For example as a white woman it’s easy to believe all lives matter because mine always has (that’s my experience and privilege).  As a woman of colour this experience is vastly different which is why the black lives matter movement is so important.  Even as a member of a minority group I don’t except that my experience is the same as others.  I can share my views but they’re not the views of all women or all members of the rainbow community.  We’re all different which is why it’s so important to listen and seek to understand before we assume our experience is the only one that’s valid.

But it also takes bravery to step into this space.  For many men, standing up for women or minority groups or calling out behavior of other men is a risk.  When men speak out they also fear what other men think (the locker room chat).  Like at school the peer pressure or desire to fit in can play a part here.  It’s why helping allies understand what’s in it for me and is it worth the effort is also part of this journey.  Men who are comfortable in their own skin, educated, high in EQ and confident in their masculinity don’t have this trouble – these are the ones already speaking out and embracing equity in their homes and workplaces.

If we’re all heard and understood and come from a place of learning to understand then I believe we can all further the progress of equity in our workplaces and the world together.  It’ll remove the fear and scarcity, break downs some of the divisions when we realise we’re all in this together – and we’ll make a lot more progress.

“If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far, go together” - African proverb

Find out more about how we can work together to achieve this in your organisation in my new Activating Allies programme.

40 things I know now I've hit 40

This year I turn 40, always a time for reflection.  The last milestone when I turned 30 looked very different and so much has happened in the last decade.  Including writing 6 books, coming out, starting my own business and becoming an international author and speaker and getting married.

 Just eight years ago I’d just left my corporate career and Senior HR role at the biggest company in NZ and decided to do something different.  I was writing my first book but beyond that no idea how it would turn out.  As I wrote I embarked on a year out to discover my passions and try and find a new career that aligned with my values – and a new life really having just walked away from a seven year relationship too as part of a process that resulted in me coming out.

 This journey took me to places like Bali, the Kingdom of Bhutan, teaching English to novice monks in Northern Thailand, silent meditation retreats, debuting in public speaking, starting my own business.  The result,  6 books published and in stores across NZ, a speaking bureau representation, plus hundreds of happy clients for whom my work has made a difference.  It’s been a long journey to this point so I thought I’d share some of the reflections.

6 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT BUSINESS

Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean you can’t do it

When I left my job I had no idea what else I could do.  I’d trained all my life for one career which was no longer fulfilling.  I didn’t know what else I wanted to do or if I’d be capable of anything else, I certainly wasn’t qualified.

When it came to running my own business I didn’t know where to start.  There’s been a lot of learning over the last few years, trial and error and a lot of failing too!  I’ve learned to do things like accounts, marketing, social media and more that I’d never had to consider in my former career. 

It’s also pushed me out of my comfort zone in other ways – networking, building a reputation and a brand as well as being the face of my business (having been someone who prefers to be in the background!)

I used to think – I’ve never done this before it’s not in my skill–set, I’ve no experience in this but I’ve learned over the years that just because we’ve not done it doesn’t mean we can’t, it’s just something we haven’t learned to do yet.

It’s so important that whatever we’re doing we make sure we always learn new things, push ourselves and take on challenges so that we learn and grow.  It also leads me nicely onto my next lesson

Don’t expect it to be easy

God it definitely wasn’t, it’s taken 7 years to get to this point.  Probably 3 until I could earn a liveable income and a lot of pressure and uncertainty along the way.  For all the dreams you see when people stand at the summit of their career or otherwise there’s always been a mountain to climb to get there.

Get out of your comfort zone - don’t play it too safe

I avoided risks because I didn’t want to fail but taking on my own business, re-inventing my career meant I could no longer avoid this. I had to take risks and I became familiar with failure as I battled through the trial and error of learning so many new things. 

I faced many fears as I embarked on this journey; leaving the certainty of what I knew, a career I trained 15 years for and knew well, a regular pay check and company car, an image people had of me – what would they think now?  What if I failed?  What if I’m making the wrong choice?

I had no choice but to get out of my comfort zone but sometimes it seemed tempting to stay there –better the devil you know!  As I stepped out of my comfort zone I faced the fears, uncertainty and risk and at times I also failed.

I put on events that no-one showed up to.  For the first couple of years I earned no money from my business.  Most of my speaking was for free and my first royalty cheque was worth less than $5.

After each rejection letter from a publisher I could have decided to give up.  In fact there’s been many times business got hard, I was out of my depth, I wasn’t earning money and it felt like I’d failed, reached the end of the line, I was tempted to give it up.

One of the things that always kept me going was asking “What has this taught me and what can I do about it?”  This solutions focused reflection forced me into action, rather than wallowing in the fact it was hard and I’d failed it immediately turned my mind towards – what am I going to do about it and scanning the options I had.

Failure is how we learn and grow and is often how we learn to succeed, it’s also something that’s unavoidable if you push yourself, take risks and face challenges, I now see how it can be a positive.  But we can see failure as a sign of our lack, a mirror of our self-worth and it encourages us to devalue what we’re capable of.

Don’t under estimate yourself – you’ve earned your place

We often doubt our abilities, underestimate ourselves or think that our success must have been down to something other than our ability – luck, a mistake, being liked etc.

Throughout my career I would wave away success and down play my achievements almost embarrassed by praise.  I can’t say I’m there yet but I have since learned to respond to praise and recognition with ‘thank you’ which is a good start!

Other people’s opinions seem to carry more weight than our own and it’s only the feedback I’ve had from others over the years that now allows me to believe I can do this and that people love what I do.

I remember worrying in my first workshop I’d been asked to do for a big business – am I qualified to do this?  Will they enjoy it?  Will it be good enough?  Who am I to be posing as an expert in this field? – all those questions played on my mind despite having written a book on the subject I was speaking about!

If you’re getting praise you’ve earned it.  The success you achieve is because you’re capable and have worked for it.  It doesn’t have to be perfect to be success and you also don’t need to have all the answers.

You don’t have to have all the answers

Often we feel we need all the answers, to see the whole stair case before we take the first step and begin.  There was trial and error, trying things to know if that worked or not.  Training to teach yoga to see if this could be the future me or where else that might take me.  Whilst I had a plan, I had no idea where I’d end up and it was only as I made progress the next steps began to emerge.

Sometimes we have to be comfortable with uncertainty because we don’t know what’s next.  We might have a path set out but end up somewhere different, or sometimes we end up in the same place but take a different path or route to the one we planned, either way it works.  I’m of the opinion now that there are no wrong paths and there are lessons learned and experiences gained even from the tough paths I wish I’d not chosen – I wouldn’t go back and change it.

Choose your people wisely

I’m lucky to have had support around me, cheerleaders, people who believe in me.  Support from my family even though they had no idea what I was doing and feared my exit from a corporate well paid job to clean composting toilets in a yoga ashram may not be a great career move!

It’s taught me the value of those who surround us.  The people I’ve learned from and aspired to be who inspired me to carry on, even when it got hard.  But equally those who’ve challenged me to grow and pushed me.

I used to feel jealous when I looked at those who’d succeeded, like they’d done it right and I was doing it wrong; “why can’t I be on the stage at this event rather than in the audience?”  It made me feel like I wasn’t as capable rather than just on an earlier stage of my journey.  It’s important we respect these people, learn from them but never compare to them or feel their success threatens our own learning.

A massive part of my growth has been personal growth and I think these middle parts of our lives are an ideal time for us finding our feet, worrying less about what others think and becoming comfortable in our own skin.  Much of this and the calm I experience within I owe to my time with Buddhist monks and nuns.  Which brings us to the second part of these lessons:

6 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF

There’s so much we can learn from ancient traditions that translates into our modern lives and these lessons have been the cornerstone of me living a healthy, happy life.  Here’s the best bits of what I learned.

Equanimity – A calm mind. One of my biggest aha moments came when I learned how important our minds are and how we can train them.  I’d spent many years on diets, gym classes and pursuing physical health goals but I’d never considered to do the same for my mind.  Yet it’s so important.  Everything starts in the mind.  What we think becomes how we feel and that becomes how we act.  If we have an unpeaceful mind we will have an unpeaceful life it’s that simple.  You know when you get out of bed on the wrong side and everything and everyone irritates you – that’s the mind doing that!  If our minds are busy, stressed and tired of course life is going to be harder.  Stilling the mind has been without doubt the biggest change in my life. 

In a world when I was encouraged to multitask, the busier I was the more successful I’d become and sleep was for the weak this is a full 360 in terms of my beliefs!  I used to think that down time was a waste of time and pressed myself to be doing something ’productive’ with every second of the day.  I now know that being productive also means resting, stilling the mind and taking a break.  Pressing pause in our busy days is as important as anything else on our to do list because it makes us more effective, it’s critical in helping us to everything else that’s on that to do list.

Sitting still for 10 minutes a day focusing on my breathing is my number one wellness tool.  It calms my mind, helps me think more clearly, makes me more productive and creative and I’ve become so much more self-aware.  It helps open up space between my thoughts, feelings and reactions.  Do I still have a busy brain, god yes.  Do I still have negative thoughts – of course I’m human.  The difference is that now I notice them and have small pauses to choose to respond rather than react.  My meditation practice helps me calm these thoughts and allow them to pass through rather than becoming attached or carried away by them.

This training of my mind has also allowed me to gain so much Perspective – I’ve learned that its not what happens to us but how we react to it and that we have a choice.  This has been instrumental in changing the way I react to challenges.  So much of what happens we can’t control and this can leave us feeling helpless like victims.  When we focus on what we can control we become empowered and this is where we get to choose. 

This segways nicely to another important lesson Impermanence.  Everything will come and go whether we like it or not.  None of us will live forever, everything we have we can lose.  It’s why acceptance is so important, accepting the things we can’t change. 

We chase after the highs in our life (the perfect job, house, partner) and then when we get it we cling on to it and hope it never leaves.  Likewise when we feel sad we desperately want it to pass and to feel happy again.  Whoever we are there will be a mixture of good and bad in our life.  We all have challenges, the good news is they don’t last.  These feelings we want to avoid don’t last – but nor do the good ones.  Everything comes and goes, this is the nature of life.

In the words of the Dalai Lama “if we have a problem there’s always two options either 1) there’s a solution in which case great, there’s no need to worry about it.  Or 2) there’s not a solution, in which case there’s no point worrying about it.”

This valuable lesson taught me that suffering is inevitable, misery is not.  If we can accept the things we can’t change it allows us to make peace and move on.  Good and bad will always come and go, sit with what is and accept what we can’t change.

We don’t like to suffer, but it can also be where our biggest lessons come from.  During my time at plum village Thích Nhất Hạnh’s place in France I read his famous book ‘No mud no lotus’  In fact I now have a lotus tattooed on my foot as a result of this very important lesson.  The lotus is a beautiful flower that grows from the mud.  We too grow from our challenges to bloom into the beautiful humans we are.  It’s because of the mud that we become a lotus and without the mud we wouldn’t bloom.  Suffering is part of the human condition and it’s ok not to be ok.  If we get sick or lose someone we love of course we’ll suffer but sitting in the mud is often how we get through those times and over time the lotus starts to bloom.  So often it’s our deepest scars that can lead to our biggest gifts.

Download the full list of 40 life lessons and things I know for sure here and get your inspiration fix for the week.

11 ways to embrace equity this International Women's Day

Given the theme for International Women’s day I thought it helpful to talk about why this is important and how we might go about embracing equity.  This is something for us all to consider on IWD regardless of gender and allies are key to us levelling the playing field for everyone of all genders and EDI intersections.

Embracing equity is not just good for individuals but also the return on investment for our organisations.  Leading to increased engagement, productivity, loyalty and retention as well as reduced risk to brand and reputation, not to mention the impact on performance, productivity and the bottom line.

We know that diverse ideas and experiences leads to better business.  A diverse and inclusive workplace can lead to increased employee satisfaction, motivation, and engagement, which can translate into higher productivity and improved financial performance.  Organisations that embrace equity are more likely to attract and retain a diverse range of top talent, which can bring new ideas, perspectives, and innovation to the organisation. 

Promoting equity can enhance an organisation's reputation and brand image, making it more attractive to customers, partners, and investors who value responsibility and ethical practices.  A diverse and inclusive workplace can help organisations better understand and respond to the needs of a diverse customer base, leading to increased customer loyalty and satisfaction.

Overall, embracing equity can have a positive impact on an organisation's bottom line, both in terms of financial performance and reputation.

Embracing equity involves making a conscious effort to promote fairness and justice in all areas of society, and to eliminate discrimination and biases.  We do it for ourselves (because we’re good humans), we do it for our families and the future generations and the desire to live in a fair and equitable society (and all the benefits that brings).

For those keen to get involved but not sure where to start here’s some steps individuals and organisations can take to embrace equity:

1.       Educate yourself: Seek out information and resources on equity, diversity, and inclusion. Read books, attend workshops and training sessions, and engage in open and respectful dialogue with others on these topics.

2.       Examine your own biases: All of us have biases, whether conscious or unconscious, and it is important to acknowledge and examine these biases in order to address them.

3.       Promote diversity and inclusion: Encourage diversity and inclusion within your organisation and in the communities you serve. Ensure that all individuals are valued and respected, regardless of their differences.

4.       Advocate for equity by speaking out against discrimination and biases and supporting policies and initiatives that promote fairness and justice.

5.       Allocate resources equitably: Ensure that resources are distributed equitably, without discrimination, and take steps to eliminate disparities.

6.       Hold yourself and others accountable for promoting equity and creating a more just and inclusive society.

7.       Continuously evaluate and improve your practices to ensure that they are fair, just, and inclusive. Be open to feedback and be willing to make changes to better promote equity.

Embracing equity requires ongoing effort and a commitment to promoting fairness and justice for all individuals. By taking these steps, organisations can work towards creating a more equitable and inclusive society.

 Given it’s international women’s day this month I’d like to finish with a few things we can do specially in the gender space.

1.       Challenging gender norms and stereotypes can help to create a more equal and just society, where women are valued and respected.

2.       Supporting women's organisations and networks can help to provide a sense of community, resources, and support.

3.       Encouraging and educating others to be allies and advocates for women's empowerment can help to create a more gender-equal society.

4.       At an individual level it can be as simple as being open to listen, asking questions, not assuming and supporting those who may not experience the privilege of the majority.

Find out more about my Allyship programme or get in touch to enquire about the work I do supporting women and non binary individuals in leadership.

the real mahi beyond IWD2023

Please stop asking women to speak for free, especially this week on International Women’s Day.  For the first time in many years I’m not doing a keynote on IWD.  It’s not that I wasn’t asked but I refused to do it cheap enough (or for free in many cases).  It’s frustrating that women are still being under valued – especially on today of all days.  It’s not that I don’t speak for free, for charities I support, of course.  I do a lot of social impact work for free.  However if you’re a multi million dollar business asking me to speak for free because it'll give me good exposure I already know where your priorities are in the gender equity space.  This is my profession, my job, it’s how I pay my bills and it’s also something I’m good at. 

I know from my HR days these same businesses spend thousands on ex military men, all blacks and men that climb mountains to give motivational speeches to their staff (regardless of what they say).  Now if your business doesn’t have much budget for IWD that in itself says a lot but it’s about more than today.  IWD is just an opportunity to celebrate women and shine a spotlight on these issues but the real work is so much deeper and an every day job.

There’s been a reoccurring theme in the media and online when IWD rolls around and that’s the more commonly seen rant from frustrated women who see this happening year on year and yet the real progress isn’t being invested in or prioritised. I know we’re supposed to be grateful to have a day dedicated to talking about and shining a light on inequity but what’s the point if it’s not going to change the status quo? I’m totally on that band wagon this week! 

If you’ve still got a male majority lead team, see women leaving your business because they can’t progress or the culture is one of toxic masculinity, if you’ve got a gender pay gap, if women are experiencing belittling micro aggressions, being talked over or mistaken for more junior members of staff you’ve got a lot of work to do and a speaker for IWD is probably not the best investment of your budget or time.  However it is a chance to talk about what you can be doing differently.

 I’d love to have that conversation with you and support your journey in this space so please get in touch.

 And whilst we’re here let’s talk about some of the reasons we have IWD and why it’s different for women.  Apart from the obvious pay gap and inequities in our representation at leadership level there are other contributing factors to why it’s different for women.  Starting with the fact that we are the ones likely giving birth, going through menopause and still doing more unpaid care work at home.  We’re also judged by how we look and whether we’re excelling at being feminine first (often called the pretty privilege), no woman throws on a suit in the morning and leaves the house without any makeup when heading for the boardroom, that’s a privilege only afforded to men.  Often referred to as the double bind

 Figures show women do more in the DEI space and yet as a result are spread more thinly and doing too much therefore more at risk of burnout.

So if one more man tells me gender isn’t a thing (especially this week) I’ll say again it isn’t for you because you’re not a woman.  Value each others lived experiences, listen before you speak and take time to learn about the stuff that may not be obviously apparent to you, especially if you’re of privilege.

An example of this a man speaking at a recent conference advises leaders to speak with a deeper voice to convey authority and confidence (the audience was 98% women and non binary).  Now I get this is his lived experience and has probably worked for him.  What he misses is that as a woman doing this comes across as threatening, the double bind kicks in and all of a sudden we’re aggressive and not feminine enough.  It’s simply stuff a man wouldn’t understand because he’s never had to.  Quite simply it’s different for women so rather than debating this why not ask women to share their experience so you can learn why. 

Here’s an idea, why not even pay them for sharing it on IWD!

Ways allies can support embracing equity #IWD

Equity is not just a job for minority groups, it’s can’t be, it’s something that impacts us all and a journey that needs the support of allies. According to McKinsey’s Women in the workplace report  “Women leaders are switching jobs at the highest rates we’ve ever seen, to make meaningful and sustainable progress toward gender equality, companies need to go beyond table stakes.“

Women leaders are just as ambitious as men, but at many companies, they face headwinds that signal it will be harder to advance. They’re more likely to experience belittling microaggressions, such as having their judgment questioned or being mistaken for someone more junior. They’re doing more to support employee well-being and foster inclusion, but this critical work is spreading them thin and going mostly unrewarded. It’s also increasingly important to women leaders that they work for companies that prioritise diversity, equity, and inclusion.

My passion for gender diversity and levelling the playing field has seen me spend many years helping women take their seat at the table.  The flip side of this coin is ensuring the seats are there and the table is accessible and that we have support.  The role of allies is becoming more and more important and something many businesses are now investing in. 

An ally is often defined as someone who is not a member of a marginalised group but wants to support and take action to help others in that group. Allyship in the workplace is crucial for inclusion and equity.

In recent years, an increased understanding of the powerful impact of male allies at work and at home has led many organisations to recognise men as allies as a critical component of their diversity and inclusion efforts.  Men who are allies for women colleagues are crucial partners in achieving gender equality. Without that partnership, it’s much harder to address the barriers and inequalities that women face. Particularly given the majority of our leaders are male.

Those who have seats at the table find they are often a lone voice or get an unfair workload in the DEI space because it’s their passion but also they are the lone voice from that community so lead all the initiatives connected to their background/identity.

Due to the work we’ve started to do in this space there are often allies wanting to support but unsure how.  Either through not knowing what to do or a fear of doing/saying the wrong thing. We are often waiting for permission to step forward and support in a space we’re not sure how to navigate or if we’ve got the right to be in.  so how can we step safely into this space and show our support?

Being an ally to women and other marginalised groups requires a commitment to promoting equality, challenging oppression, and speaking out against discrimination. Here are some steps that men can take to be allies:

1.       Educate themselves about the experiences and challenges faced by marginalised communities, including women, and strive to understand the impact of discrimination.

2.       Speak out against sexism and misogyny: including sexist remarks, jokes, and actions, and call out other men who engage in this behaviour.

3.       Listen and amplify the voices of marginalised communities: Listen to the experiences and perspectives of women and other marginalised groups, and amplify their voices by sharing their stories and ideas.

4.       Interrupt harmful gender norms and stereotypes: Challenge harmful gender norms and stereotypes that limit the opportunities and experiences of women and other marginalised groups.

5.       Advocate for gender equality in the workplace and in the larger community by supporting policies, programs, and initiatives that promote women's rights and empower women.

6.       Support women's advancement: Mentor and sponsor women in their careers, and actively seek out opportunities to promote women's advancement.

7.       Recognise and challenge their own biases and strive to create a more inclusive and equitable workplace and community.

To make a start simply listen more than we speak and ask questions before we assume.  Offer support and be there to call out others to show your support in public and help even the playing field and bring consciousness to the often unconscious comments, habits and assumptions.

By taking these steps, men can play a critical role in promoting equality and challenging discrimination. It is important to approach the work of being an ally with humility, a willingness to learn, and a commitment to creating a more just and equitable world.

Find out more about my activating allies programme here and get in touch for availability.

The emotional impact of constant emergencies

Those in the north of the north island have had it hard so far in 2023, most of the year being spent in a state of emergency for various weather events.  The uncertainty, last minute cancellations, being housebound for safety and emergency alerts on our phones are all reminders of the pandemic era.

Post pandemic we’ve already established the toll living in fight flight takes.  Our bodies are not designed to do much beyond survival when we’re under threat.  This means working is harder, getting our brains to think logically, articulating ourselves in meetings and even replying to emails can seem like monumental tasks.  This is normal when our bodies are diverting all their energy and attention to survival and making sure our organs are working and our body is ready for the perceived threat.  The problem for us is this feeling has been constant of late and its exhausting.  Usually once the threat has passed we’d return to normal and yet back to back emergencies may have us all feeling a little below par, overloaded with cortisol and less tolerant of those around us.  Know that this is normal given what we’re coming off the back of and go easy on yourself (and each other).

Burnout, empathy fatigue, change weariness and the post pandemic trauma are impacts we’ve seen and themes that emerged as part of my State of the Workplace report for 2023.

After a few years of disruption 2023 seems like a chance to stabilise and rebuild.  Yet we’re still struggling to strike the balance with hybrid working, our teams are less engaged, burnout is on the rise and the economical impacts of the last few years are causing concern.

Pulling together the trends and research from across the globe, here's a few themes:

• Global engagement and wellbeing trends are stable but low

• Employee stress is at an all time high

• The global economy has lost trillions to low engagement

• Before the pandemic engagement and wellbeing were rising globally for nearly a decade -- but now, they're stagnant.

• Only 57% of employees in Asia Pacific are satisfied with their job.

• One-third plan to ask for a raise in the next 12 months and one-third plan to ask for a promotion.

• One in five intend to switch to a new employer. 

Whilst it looks like lockdowns might be a distant memory the future is far from rosy as we anticipate the challenges that lie ahead.  The last two years of the COVID-19 pandemic have taken a significant toll on the physical and mental health of workforces around the world. Supporting worker well-being has become a priority for many companies.

Get your copy of the report here https://mailchi.mp/jessstuart/euh9jaclzp

Kia kaha Aotearoa

Creating an environment for creativity & focus

I’ve just been away for the week to write my sixth book.  After six I’ve experimented with a number of techniques and have found a focused retreat the quickest and most effective way of getting the words on a page (albeit a very rough first draft!)  People have asked me, how do you know you’ll be creative on that week though and be able to write?

The answer is I don’t.  But I do know how to set my environment up to make that more likely to happen.  For me that’s no social media or calls.  No emails or internet (I leave gaps to insert the research I find later or already have filed away).  It’s a change of scenery that’s not my own house or office so nothing else needs doing other than writing.  I have all the supplies I need and I shut myself away, alone in a beautiful cottage by the beach if possible and, often rural.

And on the days when I don’t feel the creative muse.  I go for a walk or make some food or sit outside in the sun to mix things up and flick the creative switch on.  The most important thing for me is creating the space and not having the distractions, without that I know I’m much less creative.

We know we need space in the brain to innovate and space to focus to do our best work.  This is top of mind for me as I reap the rewards of a 10 day silent retreat over the Christmas break.  No talking, no distractions and my phone turned off and locked in a draw.  Whilst it had it’s challenges the space and focus and ideas and creativity that followed has made it worth it.

Interruption Science is the study of the effect of disruptions on job performance especially for those working in an office environment.  According to a University of California-Irvine study, regaining our initial momentum following an interruption can take, on average, upwards of 20 minutes.  It makes it more difficult to get anything done and actually means we are taking longer to get tasks completed by not giving them our full attention and trying to multi task. 

An experiment conducted at the University of London found that we lose as many as 10 IQ points when we allow our work to be interrupted.  That’s the equivalent to missing a whole night's sleep and more than double the 4-point fall seen after smoking marijuana.  Even short interruptions are thought to have a negative impact, for example silencing the phone or checking the screen to see who’s calling.  That’s even when you decide not to answer because you don’t want distracting.  A study by Michigan state University, in which 300 people performed a sequence-based procedure on a computer, found that interruptions of about three seconds doubled the error rate.

Author Pico Iyer talks of interruption science in his book The Art of Stillness, Iyer says, “it takes 25 minutes to recover from things like a phone call yet such interruptions come every 11 minutes so we never really catch up with ourselves”. 

A number of my clients this year are focusing on their relationships with social media and distractions as part of their new year rituals.  In a bid to get more time back in their life, less noise, less overwhelm and information overload.  Afterall it’s not just the amount of information our device exposes us to it’s the way this information can make us feel too!

One of the quickest wins for getting us more focus and time is our relationship to social media and a devices in general.  Afterall they are made to distract us and once they’ve got our attention designed to make sure we waste as much time scrolling as possible.

If you’re looking to reduce your information overload and the distractions from your device or social media here are a few things I’m doing and others have found useful too.

·       Set times you’ll not use your device:  Not before 9am or after 9pm as an example.  This gives your brain a chance to wake up and stops it interrupting our sleep at the other end of the day. 

·       Or perhaps certain places: No phone in the bedroom or at dinner table might work for you. 

·       Detox times once a month on a Sunday, switch it off or put it in a draw for a few hours. 

·       Remove the Facebook app from your phone (just check once a day from your laptop)

·       Monitor the screen time app: do you know what your stats?  Which apps are sucking the most time from you and what are you getting in return?  What’s an achievable number to aim for?

Would love to hear other tips you’ve tried and how you create space to get the best from your brain.

One simple way to get better at self-care

One of the things so many of my clients struggle with is putting themselves first.  It’s not that we don’t know what we need to do to stave off burnout and look after ourselves better.  Magazines have been telling us this stuff for decades.  It’s that we feel we don’t have time and that’s because we don’t make time.  There’s always something or someone else we deem more important than our own self-care.  We’re last on our own list and we simply don’t prioritise this.

Working with a recent client I asked her to name all the reasons self care was important beyond the fact it’s good for us!  Eventually we landed on the ‘aha’ it’s role modelling for the kids.  I want my children to look after themselves so I have to show that it’s important.  This was a game changer for her.  A motivator for self care that has meant she’s now doing this for her kids not just herself.  It’s an opportunity to change their future and ensure they look after themselves by the example she sets them.

Putting you first allows you to give to others, it allows you to perform at your peak and it makes you a better person to be around.  So not just good for you but good for everybody, especially those we love.

If we started looking at this as a necessary part of doing our job (which it is), we’d struggle less to prioritise it.  If we continue to look at this as an indulgence or a treat that we feel guilty for allowing ourselves then it’ll always be last on the list or ‘bumped’ for the things we deem more important (which sadly for most women that’s everything but ourselves).

So what are you motivators for self-care, what are the reasons you can think of that make this is must do activity to make time for?  Once we’ve stumbled on that we’ll find it much easier to make time for it and make sure it happens and there’s less guilt attached too!

the power and impact of creating space

I’ve always loved learning from other cultures and ancient wisdom in particular.  We tend to see these things come back into fashion and pitched to our western world as the new solution and yet it’s never really that new.  Yoga was ancient wisdom well before lululemon found it.  Monks were meditating well before mindfulness become fashionable and our Maori ancestors were well versed in our connection to the land and living in harmony with whenua before climate change was on the agenda.

In particular though I’ve always marvelled at how ancient cultures all over the world have valued space and time to think.  Whether it’s monks in caves, pilgrimages or aboriginal walk abouts there are many examples of people prioritsing space and solitude - getting away from it all and just being.  It’s also a practice that cultivates deep connection to something bigger and in many ancient cultures is a practice considered to make you wiser!

I couldn’t agree more and it’s the foundational practice that has enabled me to innovate, problem solve, get perspective and gain greater clarity which is why I’m a passionate advocate.

However in our busy modern lives we’ve deprioritised space and quiet in favour of busyness, noise and doing.  We live in a world of information overload, fast living and full schedules where we think we can get more done and yet the quality and value of what we’re doing has been suffering for years.  I believe the answer lies in cultivating this space and quiet.  As Ram Dass said “the quieter you become, the more you can hear”

This thinking space is so critical.  It’s where we innovate, it’s how we think strategically, it’s how we process our thoughts and calm our minds, it’s also how we focus and gain clarity to make decisions and solve problems.  Not to mention the impact it has on overwhelm, stress and our emotional regulation.

The practice of being by ourselves and getting some quiet space helps improve our focus and concentration and tap into a different part of the brain.  Yet it’s a practice we’ve become uncomfortable doing and under valued for too long.  It’s not easy to sit with our own thoughts these days but it’s possible the most impactful thing you can do.

I don’t all mean we need to find a cave to meditate in.  It’s making the most of our moments, the purposeful pauses throughout our day.  Detaching from our devices for a few hours.  Spending some time in nature.  Being by ourselves and not watching, reading or listening to anything.  Being present in your surroundings.  Journalling.  Going for a walk or a swim.  Finding space to think and be without consuming. 

I believe it’s where we create the most value and impact both in life and in work when we give the brain space to think.  It’s where our best ideas come from and where we gain clarity and focus.  Yet so often we prioritise doing over being.  Being busy and getting things done believing this is how productivity works. 

I’d encourage you to seek the difference between quality and quantity, consider how you add impact and value above hours worked and busy distractions.  Where can you carve out time and space in your schedule to think?

Christmas overwhelm quiz & top tips to beat end of year burnout

As a kid I was blissfully unaware of the work Mum put into Christmas.  Not just presents and cards but all the social organising and family gatherings, food shopping and event planning.  This was after a year of working full time and how she spent her precious ‘Christmas break’.

I remember opening a present one Christmas morning and Dad saying “that’s nice who got you that?”, the tag said with love from Mum and Dad. “You did” I said.

We talk a lot about the mental load or the invisible load and I think women are great at making this look so easy it often appears invisible.  Families don’t see the workload that goes into making Christmas great, not to mention the careful balance of all the family dynamics and relationships across a festive period marinated in booze! 

And of course we can’t complain.  It’s for the kids, it’s the joy of Christmas and all the other stories we tell ourselves or we’ve grown up being told.  This reoccurring theme of sacrificing ourselves for the good of the family, being last on our own list and the one who has to think about and organise everything surfaces at Christmas too.

Add to that work pressures, end of year burnout and it really is vital we get a break during the summer break.  Yet Christmas often feels like the opposite or adds to the pressure and guilt of taking time for ourselves.

With burnout now being more common in women than men, this year I’ve developed this handy Christmas load quiz to help you check in on your festive overwhelm and develop some strategies to help find the joy again.

Up to 5 ticks

Keep an eye on how this might creep up, prioritise time for you and ensure you’re a sustainable resource.  Leave work at work and make sure this break really is a break for you.  Check out the free resources on the website to help.

5-10 ticks

It’s getting to the point of overwhelm and you need a break so make sure you prioritise it.  It’ll make you a better person and stop this getting any worse.  Taking the bins out and mowing the lawn just doesn’t cut it anymore, your partner needs to step up too and share the load.  Check out the tips below and why not invest in some summer reading and get your copy of Burnout to Brilliance

More than 10 ticks

Quite simply that’s enough!  It’s an unequal distribution of work both in the office and at home that’s going to lead you to burn out.  Consider if you may benefit from setting better boundaries, or if they (colleagues and partners) could step up. This is often a sign that the relationship (both at work and at home) is unequal and unfair

It’s something we can all take responsibility for and there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Rather than waiting for permission to find time for you or putting it off again see this as a non negotiable for your health and a burnout intervention because if you don’t take steps now that’s what it will become.

Check out the tips below and if you need some help developing practical strategies to bring this to life why not download the Burnout to Brilliance online course.  If you feel like this has gone to far already and you’re struggling with burnout out find help and support available for free in NZ here

7 top tips to survive the Christmas overload:

·      What’s one thing you can do for you that feels achievable?

·      Be organised and make a plan

·      Don’t compare your Christmas to anyone elses

·      Set yourself realistic expectations and know that there will always be things out of your control

·      Sit down with your partner and make a list of all that needs doing and agree how it’ll be split

·      Delegate - allow others to help and take responsibility without feeling like you’ve failed

·      Also allow them to do a less than perfect job of whatever you’ve delegated and know it’s a small price to pay for giving you more time and space

Being ready when we're not ready

I recently completed the Routeburn track in Queenstown and it’s got me reflecting on being ready when we’re not actually ready. If I’m honest it was my wife’s idea, I just went along with the plan and didn’t really think about it until the week before! I’m not really a walker, in fact I have no anterior cruciate ligament following a rupture playing soccer so it’s not ideal – it’s a challenge!  I also meant to do way more training than I did, I’m not as fit as I know I should and definitely not used to carrying a pack up a mountain.  I was worried as I should have been but it got me thinking about being ready when we’re not ready as is so often the case when we take on a challenge.

It’s about being ready even when we don’t feel ready.  Even if ideally more could be done or we could have had more time, money, experience or whatever else we’re telling ourselves.  Start where you are and bridge the gaps where you can – employ some mitigating strategies.  Once you’ve made the start it’s often too late to go back so we have to make it work, we figure it out.  We ride the wave and overcome the challenges, in fact this is so often how we learn. 

So what did I learn having now overcome that challenge?

Preparation is key: setting my intentions, knowing what I needed and taking some mitigation strategies to account for my gaps (in fitness in this case)!  Packing all the things you’ll need for a journey like this is the best way to start.

It’s important to look back to see how far you’ve come, this helps motivate us to keep moving forward even when it’s hard.  And yes it gets hard.  Some days the track is covered in snow, it’s steep and grueling and you wonder what you’re doing.  Other days it’s sunny and flat and seems a breeze.  It always seemed hardest first thing, before we’d warmed up and before we’d really got into our stride – just like any new journey and challenge.  It get’s easier the more you do it.

Each step is progress, just keep putting one foot infront of the other.  No matter how small the step it’s a step in the right direction and one step closer to the finish line.

Take rest and use support where you can.  It was the first time I’ve used walking poles but leaning on them was a life line – they also doubled well as crutches on my more tired days!

The huts were a welcome rest and shelter as was the encouragement from others along the track coming from the others direction ‘not far now’.  It’s key to get encouragement and advice from those ahead of us or who have travelled where we’re heading.

As we learn and travel further down the path we shed things along the way – in my case it was unfortunately toe nails!

So what are you worrying about not being ready for? How can some mitigating strategies and support help you take that step out of your comfort zone and make a go of it anyway?

Plan A and B, making self care doable

I ruptured my cruciate ligament playing soccer many years ago and since then surgeries and physio have been part of my rehab.  At a recent review the physio gave me just 2 exercises.  She said, I don’t give people anymore because they simply don’t do them.  It got me thinking about setting realistic expectations and setting ourselves up for success.  She’d made it achievable and it worked, I remembered what they were and I’ve been doing them!

So often as high achievers we want to do it all and do it all perfectly and if we can’t we feel we’ve failed.  But what if we just focused on the basics, made it more achievable.  Especially where self-care is concerned.

Some days I have time to do yoga, meditate, go for a walk and prepare nutritious food.  Other days the only thing I can do is go to bed early and drink plenty of water.

There’s this concept one of my mentors Matt mentioned to me recently.  He has a plan A and and plan B for his morning self-care routine.  Plan A is always our preference and yet it’s the hardest to stick to when times get busy.  If we can’t do plan A we often end up doing nothing and then feel bad.  What if there was a plan B to fall back on?  A mini, doable version of Plan A for those busy days.

If I’ve got the time my Plan A is a yoga class, meditation before I leave the house, a walk with the dog at lunchtime and bed before 10pm.  On the days I’m up early for a flight, speaking at a conference and then at the conference party that night the plan B becomes a meditation app on the flight and some stretches before bed.

Plan B is like a mini, less time consuming version of plan A so ideal for those times we get busy and feel like we don’t have time for self-care.  And most importantly a way of still ensuring we can do the stuff that matters, recharge our batteries and take care of ourselves.

I believe in the 80:20 rule (if we do this stuff 80% of the time, the 20% we miss because life gets busy is inconsequential).  I also like James Clear’s 1% improvement theory and the way little things compound over time.  If all we get to do is a week of Plan B because it’s busy it’s still better than nothing and will have a positive impact on our health and wellbeing.

So what’s your plan A and plan B version of self-care for your own sustainability?

If you need support recharging and ensuring you’re a sustainable resource why not join me on retreat?

Having the burnout conversation at work

A question I’m often asked at my workshops and events is how do we have the burnout conversation at work.  Particularly difficult if you’re in a culture where busyness is worn like a bade of honour and long hours are the norm.

My advice in this space is to be the change you want to see, like Ghandi said.  Find the way you work best and get the best from yourself.  Sometimes the only thing we can control is our own behaviour rather than that of others and if enough of us did this we’d start to see a shift.  All our organisations are collections of individuals so if each individual becomes this change the culture will take care of itself. 

I know that’s easier said than done though especially if you’re not in a position of authority or find yourself in a toxic culture of overwork. 

Strangely the intention is often the same, despite the difference ways of going about it, often we’re all meaning the same thing – success, productivity and effectiveness.  It’s a misguided myth (that’s sadly still held by many) that the more we work the more we’ll achieve.  As I discuss in my workshops though, it’s not about quantity but quality.  It’s not about how many hours we work but the impact we have and value we add.  This can’t be effective and of quality if we’re tired, busy brained, unable to focus and overwhelmed.  At this point quantity is our undoing not a pathway to success.

If you are a senior leader or influencer then you have an even better chance of making change, setting an example and role modelling in this space.

If not I’ve found it has more impact framing this conversation as a performance one rather than a wellbeing one even though it’s obviously both.  If we’re in a culture where stress is seen as a badge of honour it can be hard to have a conversation if it feels like we’re asking to do less.  But it’s this concept of less being more.  Less but better.  If we talk about performance and how we get the best out of each other it’s a much easier conversation to have.

It's quality over quantity and impact and value rather than hours at the laptop with a tired brain!  Regardless of culture we all want impact and value we just have to turn this towards quality rather than a quantity focus.

I’ve noticed that we all have the same aim.  Getting the best out of ourselves and our people.  It’s what we all want: to come to work and do our best and it’s what our leaders want, even those who go about it the wrong way by working us to death!  They just want us to deliver our best and achieve their KPIS.  We’re talking about the same aim, the same intention.  Ironically those broken cultures of stress and burnout think they’re driving for more when in fact they just drive us away (or into the ground).  So let’s talk about how we get the best from ourselves and do our best work.

Productivity is about quality and effectiveness not the quantity of hours we’re doing.  My experience has taught me that the more hours we’re doing the less quality we’re likely to be putting out.

It’s often our pursuit of quantity and more and better that lands us at burnout so changing the focus to quality and effectiveness means we make a bigger impact, add more value and we’re sustainable.

If you’d like to support your workplace to have better conversations about burnout and learn practical tools and strategies to go from burnout to brilliance check out my popular workshops.

Saying no to this means saying yes to everything else

At my recent retreat we were talking about boundaries and how, particularly for women, saying no can be difficult.  We feel guilty or selfish, like we’re letting people down.  In addition we’ve often been brought up to be obliging and put the needs of others before ourselves.  It can lead to us burning out, feeling resentful and being last on our own list.

For those who’ve burned out you know that we’re no good to anyone and can’t give to anybody else if we don’t first look after ourselves.  It’s the concept of putting on your own oxygen mask on first or not trying to pour from an empty cup that we hear so often as analogies in this space.

We get told a lot that we just need to learn to say no and set better boundaries but that doesn’t stop the feeling of guilt or pressure (and expectation) we get externally to break our own boundaries for the sake of others.

For many saying no is easier said than done and only once we’ve made the mindset shift can we say no and set boundaries with ease, without the guilt and with the knowledge that it’s best for everyone.

And it’s this simple question that gets us there.  It’s not what I’m saying no to but what saying no actually means because in reality when we say no to one thing we are saying yes to everything else.

·       Saying no to working late is saying yes to my family.

·       Saying no to other people’s emergencies means I’m saying yes to the important deadlines I have on my own schedule

·       Saying no to an extra project because I’m overloaded means I’m saying yes to my health, energy and the quality of what I’m delivering.

·       Saying no to a party after a full week of work means I’m saying yes to myself and avoiding burnout.

So it’s not what I’m saying no to, it’s what I’m saying yes to by setting boundaries.  When we focus on what we’re saying yes to the boundaries become much easier to put in place.  We’re leading with our priorities and focusing on what’s important.  Reframing the no from a negative into a positive.

It can be quite impactful in terms of giving us permission to say no by focusing on what we’re actually saying yes to.  Remember; when I say no to this I’m saying yes to everything else.

Who is the HR for HR?

Burnout is something we’re talking a lot about at the moment and according to this Forbes article 98% of HR professionals are burnt out.

It’s been a tough time of late and nowhere more so than in the HR and People & Culture teams across our organisations. Often charged with supporting our organisations through change and uncertainty we’ve also had a global pandemic, staff shortages, increased turnover, recruitment challenges, a talent shortage and the great resignation - to name just a few!

It’s no wonder our People teams are feeling a little burned out. Yet as often is the question, who is the HR for HR?

As a previous HR practitioner I’m passionate about using my knowledge to support our People teams. We play such a pivotal role in the organsiation and yet we’re often last on the list when it comes to the development and change support we’ve busy organising for everyone else! It’s why I’ve created this special HR focused version of my popular Burnout to Brilliance workshop, designed to help teams:

• Acknowledge the recent challenges and share experiences

• Understand the signs of burnout in yourself and others

• Learn how to navigate and respond to signs of burnout

• Burnout proof yourself and ensure you're a sustainable resource

• Overcome overwhelm and build resilience

• Improve productivity and effectiveness

• Learn strategies to cultivate a more calm, clearer mind.

• Creating space to think and innovate

• Manage distractions to increase focus and concentration

• Understand the difference between busy and productive

• Learn high performance habits

Quantity does not always mean quality and being busy does not mean we’re productive, in fact the opposite is often true. 

The reality is that workload is high, that won’t change.  We also live in a world where uncertainty and change is the norm and there’s more pressure than ever placed on the mental health of our workforce.

Busy is fashionable, we wear it like a badge of honour but it doesn’t lead to high performance.  This is a must have workshop to ensure you’re getting the best from your team and to help them thrive.

This starts by changing the way we relate to busyness, how we define productivity and ensuring we understand how to be effective as well as keeping up with the workload.

If you’d like to support your team to be at their best, this programme will help reenergise and sustain attendees to unleash their potential and go from burnout to brilliance.

• Understand the difference between busy and productive

• Work smarter not harder and master the habits of high performance

• Understand the neuroscience behind thinking patterns and rewire the brain

• Learn strategies to cultivate a more calm, clearer mind.

• Keep calm amid the chaos and give yourself space to thrive, even in the tough times

• Be your best without burning out in the process

• Overcome overwhelm and build resilience

• Improve productivity and effectiveness

Master the art of slowing down to speed up, understand the power of the mind and how to use it to stay focused, calm and effective. Know the difference between busy and productive and ensure you are a sustainable resource.

This workshop has been specifically built for HR teams and is delivered by a former HR professional. During this programme, participants learn what it is resilient people do, build their own plan to overcome challenges and uncertainty and deliver on their potential.

My goal is for everyone to be their best, without burning out in the process.

Get in touch to book or organise a chat direct with me

Improving not proving: the constant learning journey

Today I’m thinking about our growth and development, it’s an area I’ve worked in for year and a passion I’ve always had. I believe we can be both improving and learning as well as being amazing and brilliant – all at once.  It’s this concept that Buddhists talk of in the beginner’s mind.  Approaching everything with a curiosity that we’re here to learn even if we’ve done it before because the reality is we’re always learning, there’s always growth.

Ako is a traditional Māori practice that means both 'to learn' and 'to teach' and I think that sums it up perfectly.

Even as teachers we’re always learning and I love this concept of continuous learning, that we never know it all and that life itself is a constant navigation of learning and often teaching others at the same time we’re learning ourselves.

They say the best way to learn something is to teach it and I’ve certainly found that when embarking on book projects.  Teaching this stuff to others helps immerse myself in it in a way that furthers my own learning and understanding in a new way.  We so often learn by teaching and yet at the same time are also still learning whilst we teach!

We can put so much pressure on ourselves to know all the answers or be the expert and it can be uncomfortable to sit in this place of learning, of not knowing.  But it’s this open and curious mind that keeps us developing and growing and helps us achieve our potential.

We’ve all come so far, just in the last year but especially the last ten.  What will that be like in the next ten?  The opportunity is endless with this notion of being both the teacher and learner all at once.

It’s this concept of improving ourselves rather than trying to prove ourselves.  That we’re learning and growing not trying to validate or prove we’re good enough.

If you’re looking for support on the leadership journey why not check out our monthly membership here

Reconnecting with yourself this MHAW

The theme for this years mental health awareness week is reconnecting.  As we speak I’m reconnecting with family and friends in my country of birth, England.  There’s been so much disruption and uncertainty over the last couple of years there’s a lot we lost connection with.  Our social lives, routines, the ways of work we were used to, the things we perhaps took for granted as well as our own health in some cases.  Habits we lost as life changed or bad habits we gained in a bid to support ourselves through the new normal.  It feels like a good time to take stock and reconnect.

Time to reconnect with the people, hobbies, routines and life we value and the things we know help us thrive.  I think one of the most important connections we have is the one with ourselves and many of us feel disconnected from who we are after the last couple of years.  It’s not just the pandemic either, the evolution of social media and our online world means we’ve become increasingly disconnected from ourselves.

In a world where we’re so connected online we have lost the real connections that matter much of the time.  It is true that sometimes we must disconnect first (from our virtual worlds) so we can reconnect (with ourselves and the real world).

Including nature 😊 When was the last time you went outside, took a walk, went to the beach?  For no reason other than to be in nature?  Without your phone or anyone else?

The connection we get from being in nature utilises all the senses and brings clarity and focus, which is why sometimes when I’m struggling for inspiration in the office or can’t solve a complex problem, it helps to take a stroll to clear my mind.

UK charity Mind suggest that time in nature is beneficial for those with depression, as it enhances mood and self-esteem and reduces anger, confusion, and tension.  It has also been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce pain, and strengthen the immune system.

I am an advocate for ensuring we have an opportunity to disconnect so that we can reconnect.  As the saying goes there’s no wifi in the forest but you’ll get a better connection.

Maybe turn your work device off over the weekend, have a TV-free night each week, resolve not to check Facebook every day, or even better, take a technology detox break, maybe when you go on your annual vacation, and see what it does for you.

Sometimes we need to disconnect so we can reconnect with our real selves and not give way to the many distractions in our lives. This brings the clarity we need to make good decisions and to listen to what we want and how we feel about the things that really matter.

Ever since I trained with buddhist monks and nuns I’ve been aware there is an ability to cultivate this connection within.  It’s a place inside yourself where you can go when times get tough, when you need a break, to recentre, to gain perspective.  It's a place that always bring calm and peace.  This is reconnecting with ourselves.
  
As humans we’re very good at wanting to be anywhere other than where we are.  What we often overlook is that that place exists within us and is accessible anytime we just need to cultivate it.

That means getting still, being comfortable not ‘doing’ and reducing our busyness to find moments of pause in our lives, to still our minds.  To listen to what’s really going on within.  The stuff that’s often easier to numb or ignore with our constant doing!  Doing nothing should be the easier skill to master yet often it’s one of the hardest.  It’s also one of the most beneficial in terms of our sustainability but also reconnecting with ourselves.
 
Getting still, finding your centre and being with the breath in the moment.  That’s all it takes (and a lot of practice).  We all have it, we’ve just forgotten it amid the busyness of life.  The ability to reconnect.
 
It's the one reason I can stay calm in the face of chaos, remain optimistic about the future and has helped me overcome the tough times along the way.  If you’d like some help and support with this get in touch and let’s see how we can work together.

Authenticity and the beauty myth

The first Miss England contestant in the global beauty pageant to compete without make up made the finals recently and made global headlines at the same time.

I don’t wear make up, unless the TV or photoshoot people insist on dusting my face to make sure it’s not too shiny under the lights!  But I’ve been aware of the constant feeling that I should my whole life.  That as a woman I’m considered less pretty without it or failing in some way, not making an effort with my appearance or under selling myself in some way.

For years our social norms have been that women shouldn’t leave the house without make up.  I felt the pressure as a young teen to wear make up, everyone else was and the media were constantly convincing me I’d not be beautiful without it and people wouldn’t love me as a result.  It helps of course when they’re trying to sell millions of dollars worth of product for us to feel less than without it!  I’ve realised since my twenties that I was wearing make up because I felt like I should and not because I wanted to or that it did something positive for me.

Now I’m not against make up if it makes you feel good and for some women it does.  This is less about wearing it and more about why we wear it.  Is it because we feel like we should or that we’re not beautiful without it?  Is it a mask behind which we hide?  Or is it just because we enjoy it?

Hilary Clinton was shocked to find she spent 600 hours getting hair and makeup done during the 2016 presidential campaign, that’s 25 days she lost compared to her male counterparts who didn’t need to bother. That shocks me too and what a disadvantage!

The amount of time and effort it takes to paint over our faces means it’s unlikely to be something I adopt.  I also don’t like the feeling it brings.  I feel like me face can’t breathe and doubt if it’s good for our skin health covering it in paint every day.  I also believe it’s wrong to think a woman is made more beautiful by covering up her natural face!

It covers up what’s real and doesn’t prioritise the inner beauty that actually makes the difference.  After all the physical body is just a container for the stuff that really matters and really makes us beautiful, it’s a container for our soul.

Beauty on the inside is a cliché but so true.  Our image will change despite what we try and do to prevent it artificially, we’ll all age and physically change. But it’s just our body, not our kindness, our courage, our intellect, love, empathy, strength, creativity or our wisdom, all the things that really make us beautiful.

Body image has been given such importance in our modern world, combined with unrealistic expectations linked to our self worth and the airbrushing that sets us up to fail.  Self image gets in the way of self love and if we feel we have to change something about how we appear we’ll always feel like we’re not enough.

Do you know when we look most beautiful? It’s when we’re comfortable in our own skin regardless of the make up, fake tan or designer brands we add to that.

Quiet quitting, the great resignation: what does it all mean for you?

Whether you call it the great resignation or quiet quitting it’s really all the same thing.  It’s our collective response to what’s been an unprecedented time in our history.  The impact of the last 3 years has taken its toll, life has changed forever and things have happened that we can’t change.  We’re fatigued from the constant uncertainty and our work has changed in a way that not all of us have been able to adjust to.

When we go through such monumental times it can’t not have an impact.  On the way we think, feel and what we expect of life.  It’s big change like this that often brings new perspectives.

So it makes sense we’re thinking about making the most out of life, working less and living more, working for a place we feel valued with people with whom we align.

But shouldn’t this have always been the case?  Maybe the experience of the pandemic has just allowed us to see this from a fresh perspective?

It carries more urgency now and the world has reconnected on a different level, so much division and threat it seems more paramount to take action and make a difference.  It’s not just at work either, we’re seeing discontent across the board.  Politically in NZ, strikes in the UK from the rubbish collectors, train drivers, posties and more.  Protests from some of the ‘freest’ people in our country fighting over their ‘freedom’.  Uprising and civil unrest.  Economic fears and cost of living instability.

We’re also at the end of our coping line, many of us no longer tolerant to the impasses living out of alignment has brought about and the impact reading the news and existing in society generally has on us these days.

What it boils down to is that we’re feeling a little burned out and disengaged and that’s probably a normal response to this ‘new normal’.  What we’re seeing is a collective response to this whether that’s in our jobs or the wider community as we look for things/people to blame. 

Lockdown was the governments fault, I’m stressed because of my job, I’m unhappy because my partner doesn’t care enough, I’m tired because everyone expects too much of me.  Of course some of this may be true, particularly if cost of living is impacting on you, long covid health issues, uncertainty around the future and job security.  All normal responses to change and our human conditioning around fear.

In my experience quiet quitting has always been there just known by another name and not talked about due to its quiet nature.  Presenteeism, dis engagement, discontentment.  We’ve all been in a job or relationship where we’ve felt like checking out for a while!  Then of course if we do check out it becomes the great resignation and the global pandemic has certainly been a conduit for that.  It’s like the migrations of big herds on the plains of Africa.  When the seasons turn and the environment is no longer conducive to life we move on.  That’s what we’re seeing now.

What does it mean for you?  As an individual take stock, know yourself and what you want, how does your one precious life want to be lived and what’s changed for you over the last couple of years, what needs to be different?  What have you learned?  What do you want?

And for our organisations: now more than ever it’s about what matters and making sure you provide an environment that attracts the high performing herds.  Navigating a post pandemic hybrid era in a way that fosters all the things we value.  The way we communicate, how we put our people first, diversity of thought, inclusion in our actions and the heart of that will always be the quality and capability of the leaders that create culture.

Ensuring people can be their best without burning them out in the process, that work is part of life but enables us to enjoy life outside of the office too.  That we have the autonomy and trust to perform at our peak and are supported and challenged in a way that helps us grow and are rewarded for that effort.

Want to support your team through these tough times? Learn to manage change and uncertainty and go from burnout to brilliance? Check out my in house workshops and get in touch to book.