Meaning and purpose; call off the search

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It’s one of the biggest questions we ask ourselves; what is the meaning of life? And why am I here, what is my purpose? Finding meaning and purpose in life is critical to our happiness but sometimes the pursuit can take us further away from the goal. Without it life can feel dull, we struggle to see the point and it leaves us feeling empty and lost. I spent many years searching for meaning and purpose in my jobs, relationships and places I lived and each time that didn’t work I’d move on the next one hoping that my meaning and purpose would be just around the corner and my life would transform.

Recently I’ve learned that meaning and purpose can mean many different things and in my case the search was in fact taking me further away from the goal. Through this journey my life did transform but not in the way I’d imagined. I found my meaning and purpose in the everyday things in my life, that things that mattered and as my perspective shifted I realised it had been there all along, within yet I’d been so busy searching for it outside of myself that I’d not really noticed. I was waiting for this epiphany of the soul to come and sweep me off my feet and take me to a place where I fitted in and everything worked out for me!

I’ve seen and heard a few different takes on this from experts in the field. Some talk about finding our passion and having our world set alight, whilst others argue not everybody knows what their purpose is and that we shouldn’t feel the need to have one. This in itself can lead to us spending a life time searching for this elusive something that inevitably takes us away from living our lives. Yes there are some who’ve known right from when they were young children what they want to do with their lives. There are some who have a passion that makes their heart sing, that absorbs 100% of their concentration and brings infinite joy into their lives.

Many artists speak about this and the feeling their art gives them when they are in flow. But then there are some who seem to have a void, a gap, a nothingness where this meaning and purpose should be. Perhaps they’ve spent their whole life searching for it and are desperate to bring passion into their life but how if you’re not sure where that passion comes from? Many will argue that there’s passion in all of us it’s just finding something to ignite the spark but then as we occupy ourselves in this search our life passes us by.

Some people never do find that spark and the one big thing they are ‘meant to do with their lives’. I’d like to suggest that meaning and purpose is vital to our happiness and that it is something that everyone needs but it is not something we should need to search for. It is not always this big extraordinary amazing thing that lights up our life, it can be a lot more subtle and show up in the smallest of things.

I recently read some research about the deterioration of the elderly when they move into a nursing home and lose their independence. Researchers found that if some of these elderly people were given the responsibility of a plant to look after, this slowed their deterioration down. The conclusion was that by having a sense of purpose and bringing back some independence contributed to an improvement in their health and wellbeing. But it’s something so small and so often we believe meaning and purpose to big this big all encompassing ‘life’s work’.

I believe we find meaning and purpose in our everyday lives; it’s when we have our first child and become a parent, when we help an elderly neighbour. It’s when we share our knowledge or skills with others. It’s when we play sport alongside our team members, or take care of a sick pet. Meaning and purpose can be providing for our family, exploring new places, growing our own food or simply just clearing litter from the road. When our actions match our values and beliefs we find peace of mind, this is finding meaning and purpose in our lives.

I like to travel, I am a nomad, I enjoy writing and I enjoy many other things. Sometimes I can get absorbed in what I do and much of what I do brings me joy but this is more about how I do it rather than what I do. This applies to if I’m writing a book, an email to my mum or a letter to the bank! What makes my heart sing and what brings meaning and purpose into my life is the way I live it; the people I help, the personal values I am able to uphold and the amount of times I make myself smile throughout the day.

Life is for living and that in itself is meaning and purpose, how we live our life! We only get one shot so rather than spend it pursuing, searching and wondering. Remember that it’s the journey not the destination and it’s more about how we do it rather than what we do. We all have meaning and purpose and we don’t need to go on a massive pursuit in search of it. It is already here in our lives, in the everyday moments of joy, the things that mean something to us, that we cherish, that are important. The meaning of life is simple; to live it. Our purpose is to live it the best way we know how.

Breaking down or breaking through?

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When it feels like things are falling apart, sometimes they're actually falling into place.

My life has changed dramatically over the last year. I began to wake up and get in touch with my true self, who I was and what I wanted. The problem was that it was none of the things I’d spent years building my life around. My corporate career, my partner of 7 years, my house by the beach and my lavish lifestyle.

Within the space of 12 months I replaced all of these things as I went on my journey of waking up to what’s important in life. Let me tell you about what I now refer to as my breakdown breakthrough!

I was blessed with a life that had all the hallmarks of success from the outside but inside it felt like there was a hole in my soul. I had ‘everything’ except what really mattered and I was unhappy when I was told I had all the conditions necessary for happiness. It was through this process that I began to figure out how and why.

I had been unhappy for a long time but I was chasing all the things society told me would bring success and happiness so I couldn’t understand why I was left thinking “there must be more to life than this”. I began meditating, I studied Buddhism and trained to be a yoga teacher. The things I was learning really struck a chord and made sense to me. It was like a philosophy to life that I’d missed out on in my education.

As I began to put it into practice I could see how it brought happiness. I could also see why I’d been unsatisfied for so long walking a different path. This new knowledge transformed my life. Since then, I have become so much more aware. I feel more connected to nature, the seasons, my food and myself, I know who I am and have made peace with the imperfections. I am aware of how my body feels and know instantly when things are not right. I notice more colours and smells around me and I seem to have developed an intuition I never realised was there. I guess you could call it a spiritual awakening although without the brightly light, earth moving, epiphany I suppose I would have classed as a ‘proper’ spiritual awakening.

For me it was more gradual over time and I never noticed it happening. It’s only now when I look back and put the pieces together that I understand my transformation. I got perspective around what matters and this wasn’t my KPIs, job title or annual bonus. I’d rather have the time to spend with those I cared about, do the things I love, take care of myself. It wasn’t that I’d lost my ambition as some thought, it was that my ambitions changed.

My version of success became how happy I was, not how much I earned. It also gave me the courage to try all the things I’d wanted to do but was often too scared. Where previously my insecurities had held me back I had found a new confidence to live my dreams; I travelled, I wrote book and I began teaching all things that had been on my bucket list for a while but locked away in a dusty corner of the room, breaking through allowed me to bring this to life. I suddenly realised all that was possible and I saw things differently.

In my mind I had discovered a new way of living and a path laden with happiness. For years I thought there must be more to life than this and now finally I was waking up to what that meant. Buddhists liken an awakening to a lotus flower growing out of the mud to bloom into a beautiful flower above the water line. If you’ve been through this sort of transformation yourself you’ll know it’s something of a break through in life, but can so often be mistaken for a breakdown. The symptoms are very similar!

Years spent living according to the norms and expectations had left me drained, I got sick a lot, I had no energy and I was unhappy. My authenticity had been buried for so long I wasn’t sure what it really was anymore. I wanted to find meaning and purpose in my life and live according to what was in my heart, but I had to find it first and this was part of waking up. As I went through the process of my breakdown breakthrough I experienced confusion, sadness, fear. I doubted myself and began asking questions that made others feel uncomfortable.

I sought out like minded people which meant moving in different circles and making new friends. Those around me could see I was changing and going through a struggle and for many it was so far from what they deemed to be normal that mental instability must have been the only logical conclusion. I started to do things they thought were strange; living in Ashrams, stepping off the career ladder and meditating with monks. They needed to find a reason for the change in me and for many a breakdown seemed to fit the symptoms.

I don’t blame them for thinking this and I can see how fine the line is between a breakdown and a breakthrough. I also know that their reactions were out of worry and concern for me and what I was going through. There were days I felt like it was all too hard and didn’t want to get out of bed. There were days it all seemed to be going well and then days I’d wonder what on earth I was doing and felt like I was on the brink of failure. But often it’s not until the pain of where we are exceeds the promise of where we want to be that we are forced into action and these feelings were my catalyst for change.

I think in some ways a breakthrough can start with a breakdown. It’s when things sink to their lowest we find the motivation for change. It is often our darkest times from which we learn and growth. As Thich Nhat Hanh says “Without the mud there can be no lotus”.

In order to experience life’s greatest joys we must also experience its deepest sorrows. Many happy people have grown from their darkest times and are a product of the experiences they’ve learned from. “It’s through the cracks that the light gets in.” As we wake up it gets lighter and it becomes possible that we are breaking through.

After going through my breakdown breakthrough hopefully now those who were concerned can see the difference it has made. I can certainly feel it. For me it was a true awakening to how good life can be and how we achieve happiness. I awoke to what’s important in life, to the joy in everyday, the power within us all and the infinite potential of life. It felt like I’d finally been set free and was a true break through to my authentic self. After years spent wondering if this is all there is to life and I’m now living life.

November's newsletter and returning home

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You can now view this months Newsletter Nov for recent inspiration and information.

I have also just booked my tickets to return home to New Zealand after Christmas.  This has given me an opportunity to reflect on the nomadic lifestyle, having a home in a country not of my birth and the struggle many people have in accepting why nomads can't stay in one place for long.  Here is the outcome of those thoughts:

Calling the nomad home Pico Iyer, Travel Author, asks; “where is home?” “is it where you’re born, where you live, the place you love most? Or is it more than a physical place?” I agree with Iyer when he says “home is more about soul than soil”. It is what makes you become who you are and it’s what you carry inside your true self. It’s where you feel alive and the place you most want to be and that can be many places.

I am a Nomad. I don’t stay in one place for long and have loved to travel ever since my first trip backpacking to Australia in my early twenties. I fell in love with the freedom and adventure and have been doing it ever since. I am at ease living out of a suitcase. I don’t feel the need to have an address. I love the wonder and excitement of travel, different cultures and new people. It’s not that I am lost, nor am I searching for something I just love this way of life, the road is my home.

The wanderlust, it livens my soul. I am captivated by the endless possibilities, the sounds, sights, tastes and smells. I’m like a bird that needs to fly, I follow the sun and migrate when it turns cold. I feel unsettled if I spend too long in one place. I find my inspiration flows when I’m on the road, it aids my creativity and makes my heart sing. I also learn so much from different cultures and the people within them.

I may touch down and take rest in many countries but it’s unlikely I’ll stay. My feet will itch and the road will call me once again. Like a bird I relish my freedom to fly, don’t try to clip my wings or keep me in a cage. It’s a life of adventure, a life many dream of but few live.

I spend time revisiting my birthplace to see family and friends who are dear to me. But there’s one place in particular I always return to. They call it the land of the long white cloud. It is a place of stunning natural beauty, mighty mountains, clear lakes that shine like jewels, rugged coast line. Picture postcards views. A place where there are few questions and the answer is always ‘no worries’. How I miss the big green spaces, the clean air and the slower pace of life. I long to return to a place where I’m not the only one that says ‘Ay’ after a sentence!

I have no physical place to call home there, no family ties yet something keeps tugging at my heart. A light burns bright in my soul when I hear the accent or see pictures of its landscape. I have travelled to many places yet the natural beauty here is something I’ve never seen repeated. But it’s much more about what the eyes see. The heart feels the tug, the pull towards home. The soul feels the connection to a land that is not of my birth and when I am here I am home. I can’t guarantee I’ll stay but I am always sure I’ll be back.

When I leave I carry a piece of you within me. When I return that piece becomes complete. As I slip off my jandals and walk out onto the beach, my feet fit the earth beneath them like they were made to walk here.

As I listen to the Tui and walk with the Totara, my heart sings and my soul breathes a sigh of relief. From the tip of Reinga to the wild, west coast, through the mountainous desert in the shadow of mighty Ruapehu and the stillness of the vast Lake Taupo, this is where I belong.

Aotearoa has my heart, there is an unseen tie that keeps me coming back. It’s a place I miss when I am not there and a place that will always occupy a piece of my soul. Never forget how blessed you are if you call this place your home.

What stops us being happy?

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It’s the one thing everyone wants and we spend our lives pursuing it, but in this day and age it seems to becoming more elusive. The word ‘happiness’ is banded about a lot these days, it appears in advertising campaigns around the world in a bid to sell us more of what we so desperately seek.

In an age when we have all the conditions to be happy why does it feel like we are actually becoming more unhappy? There are many barriers that prevent us from being happy but the good news is they are all within our control.

Here’s a look at what could be holding us back from happiness and what to do about it: http://www.projecthappiness.org/what-stops-us-from-being-happy/

Change & Transformation

BKS Iyengar said “Change is not something we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change nothing in this world would ever grow, and no one would ever more forward to become the person they’re meant to be”.

Nothing lasts forever, change is constant.  Learn to be resilient in the face of change and how we can grow from the tough times and learn from our experiences.

Read my blog; Darkest before the dawn here; https://www.personalgrowth.com/darkest-before-the-dawn/

And watch the video blog on change and transformation filmed in the beautiful autumnal setting of the New Forest, England. https://youtu.be/7quWDD-hjCs.

Finding joy in every day; video blog

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“Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections”.

It’s the question we’re all trying to find the answer to; what is happiness and how do we get it? We fill our lives with the business of searching for happiness in many things yet it is possible that the very pursuit is taking us further away from the goal.

Check out this short video clip on my YouTube channel for tips on how to bring joy into everyday. https://youtu.be/4aLu7ZMRCcA

October's Newsletter, New Blogs & Forthcoming Events

See this month’s newsletter for details of forthcoming events and new material.  Including; video blog on creating a life you love and new blogs Newsletter October.

New blog out today: Taking the rough with the smooth; sh*t sandwiches!

When someone stands in front of us and speaks of inspiration or has written a book, we tend to think they’ve got it all sussed out and their life must be idyllic. This is certainty true of my thoughts about those I look up to. But there is a human element in us all, no-one has a perfect life.

Tough times come to everyone and often those who inspire us have had to overcome their own struggles to get there and if they can, so can we. 

Read the full blog here:http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/10/shit-sandwiches-the-rough-smooth-of-life/

I was also fortunate to speak to the group Action for Happiness recently about Creating a Life you Love. 

For those who missed it I blogged on the key points on my You Tube channel; [click here to watch the video] 

What they don't tell you about finding yourself

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Authenticity is key to happiness yet finding ourselves isn't always the hard part. 

Read my story about the side effects of living a life true to my self and the journey we all take when we find ourselves.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day to make everybody but yourself, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” E. E. Cummings

Read the full article here; http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/09/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-finding-yourself/

Don't wait for Happiness & other new posts

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Do you ever feel like life is just passing us by? Do you sometimes feel like life is happening whilst we’re busy making plans? 

Life's too short to postpone happiness until conditions are right; maybe when we retire, win lotto, meet Mr Right. 

Read the latest article I've published on elephant journal; Happiness - Why Wait?http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/09/happiness-why-wait/

Other articles of mine recently published include:

How to be at Peace with Uncertainty, published on havingtime.com http://www.havingtime.com/how-to-be-at-peace-with-uncertainty/

The Art of Self Care published on personalgrowth.com https://www.personalgrowth.com/the-art-of-self-care/

Mindfulness: Coming Home

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"I have arrived.  I am home." It is the mantra of Plum Village or in French “Je suis chez moi, Je suis arrive”.  It is the mindfulness retreat in the south of France founded by Vietnamese Zen Monk Thich Nhat Hanh and where I recently spent a week.

I’d been on retreats before but I still didn’t know what to expect as I was new to this tradition. I was looking forward to some peaceful time, living simply, relaxing in the sun and being disconnected from phones and email.

The weather surprised me as it rained for two days on arrival and although it was August overnight temperatures were low. Not ideal camping conditions! This taught me my first lesson. How the weather affects my mood and the need to cultivate happiness based on your internal state not your external circumstances. As much as I’d love to, I cannot control the weather!

It took me a couple of days to settle in, to get used to the schedule and my surroundings. The day started at 5.30 am, there was morning stretching and sitting meditation followed by a dharma talk and breakfast. We were silent until after breakfast and other periods of silence ensued during meal times and in the evenings.

Periods of walking meditations, free time, yoga, tai chi and qi gong were scattered throughout the afternoon but everything was optional. There was also the chance to get involved in sangha communities and be of service by engaging in working meditations in the village.  Anything from gardening, cleaning to preparing food.

Throughout the day bells would ring.  A sign for everyone to stop what they were doing, return to themselves and focus on the breath. Even the animals seemed to be affected by the peaceful energy that filled the village. Cats would roam in and out of a yoga class of 200 people and a magpie would come and check out bags, sit on our heads and speak to us as we sat in meditation. It was perhaps something I think could only happen here.

I was surprised at the amount of people there, it was busier than I expected but the segregation of retreatants into smaller communities or ‘families’ and the periods of silence meant that it never seemed as busy as it really was.  Although I am not keen on big crowds I felt optimistic that so many people were waking up and that as more and more people learned traditions like this it is really possible that we will change the world.  This thought nourished my soul.

People came from all over the world to share their own stories, struggles, journeys and as it appears amazing musical talents.  Impromptu concerts of guitar, piano, violin, mouth organ, bagpipes and singing seemed to pop up all over the hamlet during the afternoons. Most evenings after dinner in our families, we’d gather for songs and would part take in dharma sharing where people were free to share their thoughts, feelings and inspiration with the family, without judgement.

It was a great opportunity to practice deep listening and learn from the wisdom we were surrounded by. The monks in our family also offered wisdom and this, in addition to the morning talks, was priceless. To my surprise people really opened up in these sessions, even though we had only met for the first time on this retreat and by the end of the week were had a connection just like a family. This particularly surprised me as I had not even spoken to some of these people yet I felt deeply connected to them and a great love between us that I have not previously known for strangers I have known for less than a week and will most likely not meet again.  This taught me the importance of communication without words, and in a world that can’t stop talking this was eye opening.

I had read and wrote a lot about mindfulness and considered myself to be well versed on the topic but this week has taught me the difference between knowing something intellectually and understanding the theory and then really living it, experiencing it, feeling it and knowing it in your heart. Mindfulness is meditation in daily life, it’s being in the present moment, without judgement, being awake, alive and aware and coming home to yourself and this week felt like that had truly happened. I was able to see the beauty in every moment, even if that was the rain falling from the leaves of the tree, the frogs on the lily pads, the earth under my feet or the taste of a carrot fresh from the garden.

Everything became a meditation, each task was turned into an opportunity to turn inwards and be in the present moment. Whether it was eating lunch, drinking tea, walking, helping on the farm or sitting in the meditation hall.

The meals are light, small, pure and clean, made up of grains and vegetables and strictly vegan.  I experienced a headache for the first couple of days as my body got rid of its toxins but after that felt amazing. The food was all from the organic farm on site and we were lucky enough to spend our working meditation time down on the farm. 

Helping to pick, plant, weed and really connect with the earth and what we were eating. In the same way the walking meditations really allowed us to connect with nature, listen to the wind in the trees, the birds sing and the feeling of sunlight on my face. As I adjusted it felt like a fog had cleared from my mind but also my vision. I was seeing so much more clearly both with my eyes and my heart. The colours of the natural environment I was in amazed me and the food tasted devine. It was like eating for the first time and it filled me with gratitude.

Rarely in our busy lives do we take the time to truly enjoy our food, to think about where it has come from.  The sun, the rain, the earth that has made it.  The people who have tended it, picked it then cooked it for our enjoyment. I also found that by taking my time the food not only tasted better but filled me up despite the quantity being a lot less than I was used to.

My relationship with food has never been a healthy one but coming here and appreciating such clean food, eating in moderation, sharing and being connected to the cultivation of this food and the nature that allows it to nourish us was truly awe-inspiring. Mindful eating is one thing I will be taking back to my daily life, but there is so much more.

This focus on introspection led to the arising of many emotions, long hidden in our world of busyness and distractions. One day out of nowhere I experienced my own breakthrough.  I had been working on (unsuccessfully) letting go of the need to control, the need to know, planning the future and working on ‘goals’ to achieve. Whilst a certain amount of planning is necessary as we navigate life, spending too much time worrying about the future robs us of our present moment and in reality we can never predict the future as tomorrow never comes. This is something that had been part of my life for many years and the fear of uncertainty, not knowing and not being in control was something that faced me most days recently.

As I sat in the Buddha garden, overlooking fields of vines, pine forests and sunflowers a distant church bell rang and a weight lifted from my shoulders. Out of nowhere, and so simply I got it. “I don’t need to know, because we never can know” these words were spoken to my heart and for the first time I understood. This time it wasn’t just an intellectual understanding of the words, I could feel them in my heart and at once my anxiety about the future disappeared. Words I’d been reading and saying to myself for so long now made sense, like a penny had dropped and I let go.

I am excited by the opportunities that I am open to and the freedom this gives me and I trust that I will feel what’s right as I navigate each moment as my future unfolds as it’s meant to be.

We don't always need a plan. Sometimes we just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.

Letting go of the future has increased the time I spend in the present, which is the only moment we have.  Life is the present and this is where we are at home. This has been another major breakthrough; I have learned that I have arrived, I am home.

I have been a nomad since I first started travelling and went pack backing to Australia in my early twenties.  I always felt like I was travelling in search of something and I was hooked on the freedom being a nomad offered. As a result of this lifestyle I have become accustomed to being at home wherever I happen to be. Home is wherever I am, because home is a place within. It’s more about soul than it is soil and it’s not a physical place I can point to but something I feel deep inside my heart.

It may well be that it is easy to be mindful at a place like plum village or hiking through the French countryside with like minded people whilst your dinner is cooked and your problems are left behind. What about real life? When we return to our home, jobs, traffic jams, emails and social activities? When we’re exposed to busyness, anger and suffering.  How then can we take what we’ve learned and continue to be mindful?

Because mindfulness comes from within, it is something that you can carry with you 24/7. It is something you can turn to regardless of what chaos is going on around you. It is a skill that can be applied to any task and a place to come back to when you need stillness.  It is your home from home and your place of peace and whilst these conditions are ideal for practice the more we practice the better we get making it easier to take what we’ve learned back into our daily lives.

Mindfulness is acceptance of what is, without judgement, being yourself, at home with yourself and seeing the beauty in every moment. It teaches us to slow down and notice more, this leads to a true happiness that arises from within.  Independent of external circumstances. Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment and back to ourselves, the home within.

Mind your own busyness

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The importance of slowing down in a world where busy has become the new black.

In terms of the evolution of man, the measurement of time has not been around very long, but it has become one of the most precious commodities of our age. We never seem to have enough of it.  Everyone is always so busy and, in the age of multitasking, being busy is seen as a must but at what cost?

In today’s world we are driven by the need to succeed, to prove our self-worth. If we’re not busy, we’re not successful. We like to feel valued, and the busier we are, the more valuable we become…or at least that’s how it feels.

Whilst we’re busy being busy, we risk missing out on life and the things that really matter.

See the full article published on elephant journal:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/08/busy-is-the-new-black/.

How to find the joy in every day

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"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections".

It’s the question we’re all trying to find the answer to; what is happiness and how do we get it? We fill our lives with the business of searching for happiness in many things yet it is possible that the very pursuit is taking us further away from the goal.

We think happiness arrives at a point in the future when our lives become perfect with a backdrop of fireworks and fan fare without any disasters or annoyances. But in reality happiness does not come with a big ‘happiness’ label across it and is generally not in the form of winning lotto or a marriage proposal from Brad Pitt but is often more subtle and smaller.

For example; a sunny day at the beach, your favourite slippers, lying in the arms of the one you love on a lazy Sunday morning, – it’s all happiness we just need to learn to recognise it, appreciate it and cultivate it.

See the full article on Tiny Buddha;http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-find-joy-in-every-day-even-the-hard-ones/.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out

This new article was just published on Tiny Buddha; the importance of being yourself in a world that wants you to be something else.

Read the full article by following the link below.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-trying-to-fit-in-and-start-embracing-your-true-self  

If happiness was a place (Bhutan)

Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest

Bhutan has always held an air of mystery for me, I didn’t know anyone who’d ever been and most people I spoke to hadn’t even heard of it, but as soon as I discovered there was a place that put Gross National Happiness before Gross Domestic Product I had to visit.

I knew it was a special place before I’d even arrived. We flew through the Paro valley and approached the airport through the cloud covered Himalayas, gliding past mountains that seem to insulate Bhutan from the outside world, it felt like I was descending into another realm.

Known as the land of the peaceful thunder dragon, Bhutan is a deeply Buddhist country, with a population of 700,000. It is a small Kingdom steeped in tradition, many of the people still wear the traditional Bhutanese dress and the traditional culture is something they are keen to preserve and delighted to share.

As a result of their Buddhist beliefs no animals are killed, this means meat is imported from India and street dogs are plentiful, however unlike most dishevelled strays on the streets of Asia these dogs look more like pets as they are so well looked after, it can get a bit noisy at night though!

Bhutan is the only country to measure its progress and growth in terms of happiness before GDP and is covered with 60% forest. It is a remote Kingdom between India and China yet nothing like either of its neighbours.

It is an unspoilt place of natural beauty, the air is fresh and the rivers clean. Set in the beautiful Himalayas, the altitude varies as we travel though the country, some mornings we are high up and it’s barely above 0 degrees but lower down in the cities it reached 27 degrees. The altitude also meant that some of the treks were done at a very slow pace but this seemingly reflected the pace throughout the country at all elevations!

Bhutan has a serenity and calmness to it, the pace of life is slower and the people are satisfied with the little they have, it seems to work very well and they have something so elusive to many richer countries; happiness. Education and health care are free here and even visitors who fall sick are treated for free. Because there is not the same consumer motivation around money there is no hassle to buy things, no danger of being conned and no staff trying to entice you into shops and restaurants.

As our tour began in Paro I immediately noticed the unique architecture, all the houses, shops and government buildings are built in the traditional Bhutanese way, white walls with wooden carvings and intimate detail usually reserved for buildings of note dawn every dwelling in Bhutan. It is like stepping back in time yet Bhutan has managed to retain its traditions and culture whilst still keeping up with the modern world.

Once in the countryside the charm of Bhutan becomes apparent, the air smells of pine forests and at every turn there is a mountain view, a deep gorge or an untouched natural forest. We took time to trek up to one of the most famous icons of Bhutan, the beautiful Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest as it is known which perches perilously close to the edge of a cliff at an elevation of 3,500m but the steep climb is well worth it.

The place feels sacred as soon as we enter as do many of the religious sites we visit. The temples were many and part of everyday local life rather than tourist attractions. The fact that photography wasn’t allowed inside meant we spent more time enjoying the moment and our focus was on what we’re experiencing.

Statues made of gold watched us as we moved through the rooms that were filled with an air of peace and tranquility, monks gave out holy water and accepted offerings as the flames from the butter lamps flickered and the smell of incense hung in the air.

Some of the temples we saw dated back to the seventh century, the walls were covered in the most detailed paintings depicting Buddhist stories. Locals made offerings and walked countless times around the Stupas whilst clutching their mala beads. There are prayer wheels and flags at every turn in the colours of the elements earth, wind, fire, water and forest. They look magical flaying over the mountains and the people here have coveted one of their main economies, hydro power, to ensure the prayer wheels turn continually.

The tour took a more energetic turn as we embarked on an overnight trek up to one of the oldest monastery’s Jele Dzong over the Jele pass and camped in the mountains overnight. The guides looked after us at every step, hot meals appeared out of nowhere high up in the hills, our tents were erected and dismantled for us and the bags seemed to follow us everywhere yet we never had to move them.

As we began steep climbs rather than the usual safety briefing, the advice was to go slow and enjoy the moment. I spent time watching the clouds move across the hills like smoke rising from below as the sound of monks chanting drifted across the dawn and rays of sunlight filtered down onto the villages below. We spent a couple of nights in the country’s capital city Thimphu.

The gorges here are not wide enough to fly into and it dawned on me as we sat having lunch that this must be the only capital city without an airport or a traffic light. They had tried to introduce a stop light at the busiest intersection (where dogs still sleep in the road) but it confused people so now there is a young, well dressed man in elegant white gloves who directs the traffic as if he is conducting an orchestra in a way that only the Bhutanese could.

On the way out of town we drove past the prison which apparently has 15 inmates, there is no capital punishment here, a life sentence is the penalty for murder but apparently there haven’t been any murders to test that! As we left Thimphu we drove back up into the mountains and we were welcomed into a local farmhouse in the village of Gangtey for an overnight stay with a Bhutanese farmer and his family. Seeing how the locals lived and sampling the food they cooked for us was a real glimpse into Bhutanese life.

70% of the local population live rurally on farms so there was no shortage of food, the local food is both simple and delicious and defined by the frequent accompaniment (with every meal) of their favourite red rice and chilli cheese.

Full of surprises our next destination didn’t disappoint. We stayed in Lobeysa the home of the divine madman and seemingly the country’s centre of fertility. Paintings of large phallus dawn every building and the temple Chime Lhakhang is frequently visited by couples who are struggling to conceive, here they receive a blessing for fertility, a name for their child and promise to return once they have given birth to say thank you, apparently it’s 100% successful!

One of the things that surprised me most was the standard of English for a country not heavily visited and only open to tourists since 1974. They have been learning English at school since the 50s long before tourism and it shows. I noticed at the front of the schools there were mottos such as ‘excellence in body, speech and mind’ and ‘meaningful living’; how I wished more kids across the world were being taught this sort of stuff.

Once we had done the most of our trekking we were treated to some scenic drives which my aching legs appreciated. We drove through the deep gorges of the magical Haa Valley and up to the highest road in Bhutan, the Chelela Pass where we caught glimpses of the snow capped Himalayan scenery through the mist. It was here at 4,000m elevation that we hung our prayer flags and began a trek down to the Kila Goempa nunnery.

We spent a lot of time driving such are the distances between towns and the mountainous terrain. Due to the monsoon seasons and an undeveloped road network, work is constant and ongoing. Our journeys by road were long, bumpy in places and sometimes terrifying as we clung to the sides of sheer cliff faces but also breathtakingly beautiful as the winding roads ascended through forests, mountains and villages, past cows, monkeys, dogs and villagers selling tea and dumplings at road blocks and school children cheerfully waving as we passed by.

We also took the opportunity to stop and watch a game of archery, the national sport of Bhutan before heading back to watch a local cultural dancing performance in the city. It is becoming easier to get to Bhutan but they are still determined to protect the country, ensuring sustainability and in keeping with their mantra of making decisions that are good for the people and good for the environment. All visits must be booked through a tour group and whilst there is no limit to tourist visas they are all subject to a daily visa fee (approx. $250US), whilst it may seem expensive the fee includes a guide, accommodation, food and transport and your tour can be as individual as you want to make it.

Despite the packed schedule, the days of trekking, cold nights camping and arduous road journeys I feel happy and at peace. Bhutan, its untouched landscape and its endearing people have made my soul sing and is unlike any place I’ve been before. As I prepare to leave, I feel exhausted yet still wanting more, I’d love to spend longer here but also consider myself lucky to have been to somewhere so unique. It warms my heart to know that there is a place in the world like this and that these people are living according to what matters.

The Power of Positive Thinking

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Check out the latest video blog a short 7 minute clip on the power of positive thinking. 

How to harness the power of the mind and use positive thinking to make us healthier and happier": http://youtu.be/nZEY87lVHsM

Optimists have a 50% lower risk of death (Mayo Clinic Study) “Human beings can alter their lives by altering their minds” William James.

We can’t always control what happens but we can control how we react to it. Happiness is a state of mind. Positive minds attract positive experience and the reverse is true. The happiness in our lives depends on the quality of our thoughts.

How to make changes to create a life you love

“Change is not something we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, and no one in this world would ever more forward to become the person they’re meant to be”. BKS Iyengar

I recently published my story about leaving a job in the corporate world to pursue my dreams and I noticed from the responses that it resonated with so many people. People who, like me, were stuck in jobs or lives that made them unhappy but were not sure what they could do about it.   So in this blog I’ll answer the question I was asked repeatedly; how do you go about creating a life you love?It wasn’t an overnight success for me, nor was it an easy road. It was a decision I agonised over for years and at times it was too hard and the fear too great that even when opportunities presented themselves it sent me running back to what I knew, the familiar routine. But as Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results”The bottom line is we need to learn to change what we don’t like or love what we can’t change. Taking a risk, head first into the unknown is scary but also liberating, it leads to us questioning ourselves and finding excuses not to take the harder route and to stay put. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” but rather than asking what we’re walking away from we should ask what we’re walking towards.What stops us?Change always seems so hard and for that reason we put it off for as long as we can and in doing this we are also postponing our happiness. We all have a choice in life and if we’re not living the life we want or we’re unhappy then we have the remote control, we can change the channel, but it may not be easy. As Seneca said; “It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”It is natural to experience fear as everyone who has done this has felt the same. We think; what if we can’t do it, we might fail, it’ll be hard, what will people think? We also have limiting beliefs that can hold us back: I’m not good enough, I haven’t got enough (money, skills, experience).Because it is hard we can find it so easy to procrastinate, they’ll always be an excuse, a barrier or a better time. We’re all guilty of playing it safe for fear of losing what we have, there is this perceived security which keeps us clinging on. We perceive security in our pay checks, the things we’re used to the status quo, even if these things do not make us happy. One of the main reasons people won’t leave jobs they hate is because they need the paycheck to pay the bills.Security comes in many other forms than financial and there are other ways to pay the bills, don’t let the perceived ‘security’ be an excuse for not taking action and taking a step out into the unknown. After all what is secure these days, jobs, money and relationships seem to come and go and are no longer the dependable stable foundations in our life we’d like them to be.So once we’ve dealt with our fears and our limiting beliefs the next question is how do we make it happen?Make it happenFor some we know what we want to do we’re just not sure how to make our dreams reality but for others it may just be that we know we’re unhappy where we are, we’re not sure where we’d rather be though. You don’t need all the answers, you don’t have to plan every detail, You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going, as long as you’re pointing in the right direction.If you need some clarity about what you’d rather be doing begin by writing down what you enjoy and what you’re good at, compare these lists, ask friends and colleagues for their input. Get to know who you really are and what you value. Write down everything you’d do if there were no limits (money, people, self believe etc). Consider how you’d like to be remembered or what is it about others that you admire most?Contemplate what limiting beliefs are holding you back and let go of these. Have courage and confidence that you’re capable and that anything is possible.Once you know what you want start by making a 1 year plan. Set goals about where you want to be and when, be specific about what you’ll be doing a year from now, how much will you earn, how many customers will have you, what hours will you work. It helps by visualising this and writing it down be clear about what you want but also sets your intention and makes it more real. It seems such a big and daunting task at first but nothing is ever too big, it can all be broken down into smaller bits.Then put that plan into action. Benjamin Disraeli said “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” Start today, this may be updating your CV, registering with an agency, booking an online course or researching your new career path. There may be some voluntary opportunities to help you get new experience on your CV. If money is an issue sit down and work out a budget, see the bank and see if they can help temporarily as you work through things.It doesn’t have to be a sudden change from one to another, sometimes there is a transition, maybe you work part time in your current job until you’ve qualified, gain experience or built up work in your new field? Seek out like minded supportive people who’ll help encourage you along the way, widening your network in this way may also lead to opportunities.I always believe that opportunities will present themselves if we are open to them and in the right mindset, being open and thinking positive is also key to making the road a little smoother. It’s about taking small steps each day that bring us closer to our goal.“A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu

Facing the fear and doing it anyway

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“Ask not what you’re walking away from but what you’re walking towards”

CZ

A friend once told me she thought I was amazing and as well as being embarrassed it took me by surprise, so I reflected on where her comments had come from.

I have strengths (as we all do) and I have weaknesses (as we all do) and I guess we all have a bit of amazing too. It’s just that it remains buried in so many of us, the difference between amazing and ‘the norm’ is courage, those who dare to give it a go and face the fear of failure to follow their dreams and the ability is in all of us.

When I look back on what started me on this journey it seems to make logical sense; I quit a job I didn’t enjoy, I left a relationship I’d outgrown and spent time doing what I love with people who liked the same things, now to me this is common sense, I struggled to see what was inspirational in stopping doing things that made you unhappy. So why did it take me 5 years to put those thoughts into action and what stopped me doing it from day 1 if it made so much sense.

The short answer is fear; fear I won’t have enough (money, security, approval), fear I won’t be enough (good enough) and fear of the unknown, leaving what I know and getting outside my comfort zone. Since being on that journey I have realised these feelings are not unique to me, there are so many people stuck where they are for fear of heading towards where they’d rather be.

I’ve travelled the world and done many amazing things and people say I’m courageous, a go getter but in reality the majority of things I’ve done have scared me witless and I’ve been so close to not doing them so often due to fear. I’d wake up in the mornings and think, maybe they’ll be a flood and I won’t have to go but once I’d felt my fear and got on with it, I loved it and was so glad I did it.

I spent many years scared to leave my job but since I found the courage to do that and follow my passion I’ve never looked back, the same with travelling to foreign countries alone, volunteering to teach English in Thailand, doing a skydive and swimming with a whale shark.

Once on the edge of doing something amazing you leave your comfort zone and it feels scary, it makes you cling to the edge like your life depends on it and so many of us give up at this point but if you take that leap of the edge you’ll feel great. You’ll have amazing experiences and you’ll inspire others to follow their dreams too, what’s more once you’ve proven you can do it your comfort zone expands and next time it won’t be so scary.

You have to get outside your comfort zone to experience these things and that will always cause fear, fear of the unknown, but it’s not a sign to put the brakes on, it’s a sign you’re growing and taking steps forward as a person. Don’t let fear put you off, expect it, embrace it and do it anyway.

So what’s our comfort zone and how does it work? It’s called that because it feels nice, safe and comfortable and that’s why it’s so easy to stay there, it takes courage to step outside of our comfort zone and do things that are different and unfamiliar. The good news is that if we put ourselves out and move outside of our comfort zone it expands and gets bigger and as our comfort zone becomes bigger we learn more and things become easier as there are less things outside of our comfort zone and therefore less that scares us.

Think of public speaking, a thing that sits outside of most people’s comfort zone, it makes many of us nervous, me included. But once we’ve done one, we can do another and by the time we’ve done 30 our comfort zone has expanded and now includes public speaking so it no longer feels so nerve racking and our confidence improves.

The bad news is that you have to make that first step outside of your comfort zone and feel the fear and do it anyway to get to this space. Getting outside of our comfort zone helps us grow and become the people we’re capable of being but we must accept it will not be easy and the path will be fraught with challenges along the way, that’s why it helps us grow because we overcome them and evolve. There will always be fear, challenge and uncomfortable feelings when we move outside our comfort zone but unless we do we’ll never grow to become the people we’re capable of being, stepping outside of your comfort zone is the way to learn, grow and achieve.

It’s a bit like a bird in a cage, like a prison but the door is open, the bird is scared about what’s on the outside but can see freedom through the open door. A bit shaky at first the bird takes flight and realises that the whole sky is hers, she spreads her wings and flies, experiencing the adventure and is free.

To get somewhere you’ve never been, you have to do something you’ve never done.

How to be alone without being lonely

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“You can’t be lonely if you have learned to love the person you're alone with”

We are living more separately now days than we did 30 years ago when social connection was a lot more common and science is now proving the impacts this has on our health. Loneliness is one of the top reasons people see a therapist in the US now and a recent study suggests that over 25% of Americans feel they don’t have any close friends with which they’d share a problem.

In the age of social media when we may have hundreds of friends on Facebook we are actually getting increasingly lonely. Whilst it is true that social connection is vital to our happiness this is not to be confused with co-dependency, this is fear of being alone that results in seeking our happiness in somebody else and relying on having another half to make us complete.

Over the last year I’ve learned that often we seek out others to plug holes in our own self and that no-one is designed to make us happy. Sometimes our fear of not wanting to be alone is a way of avoiding ourselves by being with someone else. It is nearly 12 months since I left a long term relationship and I’ve learned so much about myself since being single, about who I am and what I want. I think it’s crucial for everyone to spend time on their own at some point in their life and this can be a positive thing.

Having said that though, as a singleton, I am aware that as I progress through my thirties the longer I am single the more likely it is that I will acquire cats! I’ve gone through the lonely nights, the closing of a door that was such a big part of my life, the fear of the unknown and worrying about the future. But I enjoy cooking what I want for dinner and nobody complaining there’s no meat, not having turned the TV on for days, playing my own music at my own volume, spending lazy weekends doing as I please and most importantly having half a bar of chocolate and knowing the other half will still be in the fridge when I return to it.

It takes courage to leave a relationship and for some the prospect of being alone is too scary to handle which is why so many people remain in unhappy relationships. However, I’ve learned that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. When I took the time to be alone I found I had the solitude and freedom to enjoy my single life, learn about myself and spend time with me. It helped me develop the capacity within to make my own way without needing a companion or a guide.

As I adjusted to being on my own my fear of the unknown has become an excitement about the possibilities that exist, but I needed time on my own to figure this out. For a while it felt like a void, a nothingness, this is the gap between what we knew and felt familiar and what is yet to come.

Often engulfed by the fear of the unknown, we hang in this space of nothingness between the past and the future and sometimes despair at the uncertainty. But rather than being a big black scary hole of nothing, this time in between what was and what is yet to be is full of potential, full of opportunity. It is the beginning of the rest of your life, it is not a void at all but vibrant with absolute potential.

I have learned that we can be on our own without being lonely and that we can be alone but not empty. When we are lonely we are missing something or someone, it is a negative emotion and we feel a hole inside that needs to be filled. But when we’re alone, we are not lonely but in the presence of ourselves and can enjoy the freedom our solitude brings.

Live a life you don't need to escape from

happy man

Why I swapped my corporate suit for yoga pants.

Inspiration and advice for anyone who's feeling stuck, unhappy at work, contemplating a career change or wanting to follow their passion. 

Have a read of my latest blog on Tiny Buddha

"Instead of wondering when our next vacation is, we should set up a life we don't need to escape from", Seth Goldin http://tinybuddha.com/blog/imagine-living-a-life-you-dont-need-to-escape-from/

Find success and achieve your potential

Check out this short video blog filmed earlier this year in the Bay if Islands, New Zealand https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RSmASYhc0I